Family

I'm realizing more and more the importance of family. I don't think it's anything extremely deep, just a greater awareness that comes with age. In less than 2 years I've conducted 4 funerals for family members. Actually, they were all on my Mom's side of the family which means we all saw each other more than usual, and we all grieved more than usual. Being that I actually performed the ceremonies, I wasn't able to grieve during the time. It always hit me later. And with the tardy remorse came regrets. I wish I had spent more time, made more trips, and slowed down a little more to cherish the times I had.

Then came a family reunion of sorts last month. Every five years my immediate family gets together. We started it in 1995 and there were just 10 of us. We missed the 2000 get-together as we were out of the country (something my siblings still jab me about). This year there were 25 of us, 10 adults and 15 grandchildren. At least that's the best I can remember. We were all in one house too, for a full week! What a challenge to display Christ-like character. I came with certain expectations, more of myself than of others. I really wanted to be an example, to be kind and selfless. But I found myself asking for forgiveness on more than one occasion.

Upon returning I found myself with the same kind of regrets I had after each of the funerals. I wish I had spent more time cherishing the moments and wished I had slowed down a little more. I really wished I had been more selfless.

It seems that with family it is the easiest to be yourself. And maybe that is the most disturbing thing. The wretch that I thought I acted like is actually the wretch that I am. Deep down I am quite the selfish person and I enjoy running my mouth more than I should. Some of the comments may have been founded on truth, but the truth spoken not in love is a harsh thing. There were certainly better ways to handle it.

So my hope is that in another five years, with a little more maturity, I might be a kinder person, might speak a little less, and might look for ways to serve the needs of others rather than my own needs. I hope to not have as many regrets.