There is one thing I need to correct regarding Leslie's treatment. The second round of treatment, the chemotherapy, will consist of her going in for chemo every two weeks in the office, not the pump she will wear. So the way we understand it at this point, she will have to go in and sit to receive chemo those 12 times. We estimate she will complete this round of treatment around March of 2008.
I have to admit that the timeline was longer than I expected. I guess I was a bit too optimistic in thinking she'd be done with treatment sometime late this fall. I'm disappointed it will last this long, but I know God has much to teach us and will continue to provide us with the grace we need this entire time.
Tomorrow morning she will meet with her radiation oncologist. They will map out the treatment with her, but not begin it tomorrow. From our initial understanding they will tatoo marks on her to guide them in the radiation treatment. I think it will be small dots, not butterflies or anything like that. :-)
One of the things we continue to be thankful for is how the Lord has led us to just the right doctors. Dr. Kallab, the oncologist we met with today, we very thorough and gracious. Leslie really likes him, as do I. We really appreciated the fact that he never seemed rushed with us as we met with him over an hour. He also encouraged us by relaying how some friends of ours in the medical community (Karen Hunter and Pris Strom) had both told him to "take good care of Leslie."
martes, 31 de julio de 2007
Treatment 101
In two weeks Leslie will begin a five-week regiment of radiation and chemotherapy. The chemo she will take by pill (we hope). The radiation will be five days a week, 10-15 minutes a day. Then she will have a three week break. After that she will start a 12-treatment regiment of chemo which will last six months. This will be the liquid chemo and she will have a port "installed." With this treatment she will go in every two weeks and have a chemo pump hooked up to the port. She will wear it for a few days and then return to have it unplugged. We'll write more when we get home.
domingo, 29 de julio de 2007
A Thankful Weekend
I am thankful this evening as the weekend comes to a close. First, I want to brag a bit about our pastor, Ralph Johnston. On Saturday, Ralph came over to the house and cut our grass. It was hot and muggy, but he pushed our little lawnmower up and down our hilly yard. He then pulled the weeds out of our landscaping, weedeated around the house and yard, and even helped me and a friend of mine put the camper top on my truck (something I've been unable to do myself, but needed to do for some time). I kept telling him "that's enough" as he finished each task, but he kept saying, "I'm just preaching the Gospel to you. You need it!" Man, did I! My pride flares up when people do things for me and I need to hear the Gospel of Grace. Thanks so much Ralph!
Our friends, Philipp and Sarah came by to visit on Saturday and brought us a ton of food for our "new" freezer. It was such a wonderful visit and Philipps brute strength was put to use getting my camper top on my truck, and moving the freezer and refrigerator into place in the garage. He even helped me clean the freezer! Thanks Philipp and Sarah! The Munchkin kept asking after you left, "Where are dose free gulls?" The kids enjoyed playing with your three!
Early Saturday morning, Leslie's brother Wil and I drove to Lilburn to get a free chest freezer and refrigerator from the parents of a gal I work with. Despite the rain, we made it back safely and unloaded them just in time for him to turn around and head to work. Thanks so much Wil for tirelessly helping me!
This morning Leslie really wanted to go to church. Since we're not meeting in the mornings yet with our church (it's a new church plant and we're only meeting on Sunday evenings at this point), we decided to worship at Westminster Pres in Gainesville. It's just 10 minutes from our house, and so we felt we could get back home quickly if she felt bad. What a joy it was to be so warmly asked how we were doing by so many. The pastor even prayed for Leslie during his pastoral prayer, which was a surprise to us and a real encouragement that yet another local church is praying for us. Thank you Westminster for caring for us!
After church we went to the nursing home to visit with Nannie, Leslie's grandmother. Leslie still felt good enough afterward to go out to lunch. We enjoyed a wonderful time with her family, and Poppie graciously picked up the tab. Thank you Poppie for your love for us!
Leslie was of course pretty tired this evening. But I think she was really refreshed emotionally and spiritually today. We have a lot to be thankful for...and we are!
I do want to make one point of clarification on Leslie's cancer. When the surgeon removed the 8 inches of colon and the tumor a few weeks ago, it appeared that both ends of the removed colon were clean. However, what we learned on Thursday is that the lower portion was not. That is where the cancer went through the wall of the colon. So it is still in her body, and that is why it is now classified as rectal cancer. This is why she will have to have chemotherapy and/or radiation. So continue to pray for her and especially as we go to meet with the oncologist on Tuesday.
Our friends, Philipp and Sarah came by to visit on Saturday and brought us a ton of food for our "new" freezer. It was such a wonderful visit and Philipps brute strength was put to use getting my camper top on my truck, and moving the freezer and refrigerator into place in the garage. He even helped me clean the freezer! Thanks Philipp and Sarah! The Munchkin kept asking after you left, "Where are dose free gulls?" The kids enjoyed playing with your three!
Early Saturday morning, Leslie's brother Wil and I drove to Lilburn to get a free chest freezer and refrigerator from the parents of a gal I work with. Despite the rain, we made it back safely and unloaded them just in time for him to turn around and head to work. Thanks so much Wil for tirelessly helping me!
This morning Leslie really wanted to go to church. Since we're not meeting in the mornings yet with our church (it's a new church plant and we're only meeting on Sunday evenings at this point), we decided to worship at Westminster Pres in Gainesville. It's just 10 minutes from our house, and so we felt we could get back home quickly if she felt bad. What a joy it was to be so warmly asked how we were doing by so many. The pastor even prayed for Leslie during his pastoral prayer, which was a surprise to us and a real encouragement that yet another local church is praying for us. Thank you Westminster for caring for us!
After church we went to the nursing home to visit with Nannie, Leslie's grandmother. Leslie still felt good enough afterward to go out to lunch. We enjoyed a wonderful time with her family, and Poppie graciously picked up the tab. Thank you Poppie for your love for us!
Leslie was of course pretty tired this evening. But I think she was really refreshed emotionally and spiritually today. We have a lot to be thankful for...and we are!
I do want to make one point of clarification on Leslie's cancer. When the surgeon removed the 8 inches of colon and the tumor a few weeks ago, it appeared that both ends of the removed colon were clean. However, what we learned on Thursday is that the lower portion was not. That is where the cancer went through the wall of the colon. So it is still in her body, and that is why it is now classified as rectal cancer. This is why she will have to have chemotherapy and/or radiation. So continue to pray for her and especially as we go to meet with the oncologist on Tuesday.
viernes, 27 de julio de 2007
Cootie
Do you remember the game Cootie? While I was in Wal-Mart yesterday I noticed the game for $5.88 and it brought back some fond childhood memories. So I got it. When I got home I sat down with the kids and we played it together. It was a blast. Oh yeah, I won! The above picture is the kids with all our completed Cooties.
Today was another hard day for me to be at work. I'm so thankful to work where I do, and the difficulty being there has nothing to do with work. I just hate being away from Leslie and the kids. It's as if my heart is breaking. But this is life.
We're still trying to assimilate the news from yesterday. Leslie blogged about it with better details here. She also wrote a post that was very encouraging to me here. She is a wonderful woman who is showing great strength as she rests in her Savior's care. And she has shown the kids and me such grace as she still carries out so many of her roles in the home.
This evening I came home to a failed attempt by our satellite carrier to install a new receiver in the bedroom so Leslie can rest and watch TV in the bed. There was a language barrier that she and I could not overcome with the installer. We'd been promised everything for free, but all we ended up with was the receiver. So I spent a few hours running cable to our bedroom and learning lots of patience, which I demonstrated very little. The reason I share this is that Leslie was so kind to me as she knows I struggle with all things "handy." I just don't have much mechanical skill. But even in her condition she praised my work and allowed me to finish the task. I'm so thankful for a wife who knows me, with all my short-comings, and still loves and cares for me.
This morning she gave me a book by two of my favorite DJs from Alabama. Rick & Bubba host a morning show that, unfortunately, is not carried here in Atlanta. Their newest book, The Rick & Bubba Code, included a CD of their "best of" shows. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to them again during my drive today. The fact that Leslie bought this for me right now is such a demonstration of her giving spirit. She amazes me!
Today was another hard day for me to be at work. I'm so thankful to work where I do, and the difficulty being there has nothing to do with work. I just hate being away from Leslie and the kids. It's as if my heart is breaking. But this is life.
We're still trying to assimilate the news from yesterday. Leslie blogged about it with better details here. She also wrote a post that was very encouraging to me here. She is a wonderful woman who is showing great strength as she rests in her Savior's care. And she has shown the kids and me such grace as she still carries out so many of her roles in the home.
This evening I came home to a failed attempt by our satellite carrier to install a new receiver in the bedroom so Leslie can rest and watch TV in the bed. There was a language barrier that she and I could not overcome with the installer. We'd been promised everything for free, but all we ended up with was the receiver. So I spent a few hours running cable to our bedroom and learning lots of patience, which I demonstrated very little. The reason I share this is that Leslie was so kind to me as she knows I struggle with all things "handy." I just don't have much mechanical skill. But even in her condition she praised my work and allowed me to finish the task. I'm so thankful for a wife who knows me, with all my short-comings, and still loves and cares for me.
This morning she gave me a book by two of my favorite DJs from Alabama. Rick & Bubba host a morning show that, unfortunately, is not carried here in Atlanta. Their newest book, The Rick & Bubba Code, included a CD of their "best of" shows. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to them again during my drive today. The fact that Leslie bought this for me right now is such a demonstration of her giving spirit. She amazes me!
jueves, 26 de julio de 2007
home sales et durable orders en baisse
+ 6 pips ; bonne volatilité aujourd'hui , les marchés sont nerveux et le Dow à baissé de plus de 300 points en séance.
Follow-up With the Surgeon
This afternoon Leslie and her mom went to meet with Dr. Pris Strom for her follow-up visit. I really expected this to be a routine kind of visit where she'd hear, "Everything looks good/normal." But that wasn't quite what she heard. The cancer was not as high in the colon as they thought it might be from the initial colonoscopy. They are now classifying it as colorectal cancer. Where the cancer got through the colon wall was further down. This means that radiation and chemo are probably certain for her. There are also some other issues that make this a bit more complicated. I'll default to Leslie to post all the facts (she's the detail person).
Leslie mentioned that Pris met with a team of doctors to determine how to classify this cancer, and therefore help determine the best treatment. I think it was stage 2B, or B2. I can't remember from our brief phone call. But we have a lot of confidence in Pris and she has a lot of confidence in the oncologist we will go see on Tuesday, Dr. Kallab. So that is encouraging.
The news isn't really what we wanted to hear. If the cancer had been futher up and had not gotten through the colon wall we could be looking at being on the last leg. But this changes things in that the lower part of the colon (near the rectum) does not have the protection (mucus) and such. So there is a higher rate of the cancer returning. There are also questions of whether the cancer is in the blood or not. The initial blood tests came back negative, but the downside is that there is nothing to measure from that to determine if treatments are working or not. So there are just more questions at this point, and therefore a bit more worries.
I did get a call from my brother today that dad's endoscopy went well. They stretched his esophagus and want to see him back in a month. I'm guessing from that, that they didn't find anything that wasn't supposed to be there. But dad was still doped up when Rob called him so I don't know anything definitively yet.
Leslie mentioned that Pris met with a team of doctors to determine how to classify this cancer, and therefore help determine the best treatment. I think it was stage 2B, or B2. I can't remember from our brief phone call. But we have a lot of confidence in Pris and she has a lot of confidence in the oncologist we will go see on Tuesday, Dr. Kallab. So that is encouraging.
The news isn't really what we wanted to hear. If the cancer had been futher up and had not gotten through the colon wall we could be looking at being on the last leg. But this changes things in that the lower part of the colon (near the rectum) does not have the protection (mucus) and such. So there is a higher rate of the cancer returning. There are also questions of whether the cancer is in the blood or not. The initial blood tests came back negative, but the downside is that there is nothing to measure from that to determine if treatments are working or not. So there are just more questions at this point, and therefore a bit more worries.
I did get a call from my brother today that dad's endoscopy went well. They stretched his esophagus and want to see him back in a month. I'm guessing from that, that they didn't find anything that wasn't supposed to be there. But dad was still doped up when Rob called him so I don't know anything definitively yet.
miércoles, 25 de julio de 2007
A Rough Day
Today was a rough day for us (I woke up with a headache and Leslie was really fatigued), but a really good one. We have nothing to complain about and so much to be thankful for.
Leslie was worn out today, probably from getting out yesterday. Our friend Sarah came over, but after seeing Leslie wasn't feeling well decided to take our kids back to her place to swim. I am so thankful for her consideration of Leslie and the kids. They, of course, had a blast!
This evening our friend, Audrey, drove all the way up from South Atlanta to bring us dinner. What a gal!! We had yummy lasagna. I bathed our very tired kids and put them to bed and then we had a great visit with Audrey.
Tomorrow Leslie goes to see the surgeon for her first follow-up visit. Her mom will take her and her dad will keep the kids. I returned to work today as I have only one day left and am saving it for her appointment with the oncologist next week.
We're thankful for the Lord's provision for us with a chest freezer and refrigerator. A girl I work with called me to tell me her parents were giving away both and all I have to do is go get them this weekend. Pray that I can get all the details worked out for that.
Pray for my dad tomorrow morning as he goes to have his endoscopy at 10:30 AM.
Leslie was worn out today, probably from getting out yesterday. Our friend Sarah came over, but after seeing Leslie wasn't feeling well decided to take our kids back to her place to swim. I am so thankful for her consideration of Leslie and the kids. They, of course, had a blast!
This evening our friend, Audrey, drove all the way up from South Atlanta to bring us dinner. What a gal!! We had yummy lasagna. I bathed our very tired kids and put them to bed and then we had a great visit with Audrey.
Tomorrow Leslie goes to see the surgeon for her first follow-up visit. Her mom will take her and her dad will keep the kids. I returned to work today as I have only one day left and am saving it for her appointment with the oncologist next week.
We're thankful for the Lord's provision for us with a chest freezer and refrigerator. A girl I work with called me to tell me her parents were giving away both and all I have to do is go get them this weekend. Pray that I can get all the details worked out for that.
Pray for my dad tomorrow morning as he goes to have his endoscopy at 10:30 AM.
Johnny-come-lately
Aujourd'hui, tout le monde l'aura compris, il vaut mieux acheter du dollar :-)
Ce n'est que vers 12h00 que j'ai pu commencer à trader, un vrai "Johnny-come -lately" étant donné le mouvement dollar haussier commencé à 9h00.
Règle n°1: rester dans le sens du trend : çà passe , +6 pips sur un scalp rapide.
Ce n'est que vers 12h00 que j'ai pu commencer à trader, un vrai "Johnny-come -lately" étant donné le mouvement dollar haussier commencé à 9h00.
Règle n°1: rester dans le sens du trend : çà passe , +6 pips sur un scalp rapide.
martes, 24 de julio de 2007
Our First Outing
Today we got out as a family and went over to Leslie's grandparents/parents place to let the kids ride their bikes. It was good to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather we're having. Leslie sat on the tailgate of the truck and the kids played, ran, rode, and yelled a lot. It was fun. Afterward we got some good veggies from their garden to enjoy for dinner.
I continue to be amazed at Leslie's progress. I know, and am so thankful, for all the people who are praying for her. And I know that God is providing the grace we all need for this time.
A couple ladies from Leslie's parents' previous church came by to visit with us today and brought food and some fun things for the kids to color. We had such a nice visit and I know this has been refreshing for Leslie to not feel so cooped up. Tomorrow her friend Sarah is coming over while I go to work, then Leslie's mom will come for the rest of the day.
We've also received countless cards that have really been an encouragement. I joked with Leslie that we can tell a good day from a bad one based on the ratio of medical bills to greeting cards we get in the mail each day! :-)
I've found myself singing (usually not too loud) "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord" a lot these days. Even the kids have been singing it and other songs. I know they don't understand the depth of those words, but they are getting a taste of what it means to still say, "Blessed be Your name," no matter what the circumstances.
One final note, to clarify, about the care calendar. We do have a category for yard work on there. We're really fine on this as my neighbor has been cutting our grass since my fall. But I hate to rely on his graciousness (maybe it's just my pride). One thing I have been unable to do is pull weeds on a bank we have mulched with landscaping. It's not a big deal, but if anyone wants to plug in that way and do the glamorous task of pulling some weeds it would help us. It doesn't have to be on a Saturday either, even though we plugged that in on the calendar. Just let me know if you have any questions about it.
I continue to be amazed at Leslie's progress. I know, and am so thankful, for all the people who are praying for her. And I know that God is providing the grace we all need for this time.
A couple ladies from Leslie's parents' previous church came by to visit with us today and brought food and some fun things for the kids to color. We had such a nice visit and I know this has been refreshing for Leslie to not feel so cooped up. Tomorrow her friend Sarah is coming over while I go to work, then Leslie's mom will come for the rest of the day.
We've also received countless cards that have really been an encouragement. I joked with Leslie that we can tell a good day from a bad one based on the ratio of medical bills to greeting cards we get in the mail each day! :-)
I've found myself singing (usually not too loud) "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord" a lot these days. Even the kids have been singing it and other songs. I know they don't understand the depth of those words, but they are getting a taste of what it means to still say, "Blessed be Your name," no matter what the circumstances.
One final note, to clarify, about the care calendar. We do have a category for yard work on there. We're really fine on this as my neighbor has been cutting our grass since my fall. But I hate to rely on his graciousness (maybe it's just my pride). One thing I have been unable to do is pull weeds on a bank we have mulched with landscaping. It's not a big deal, but if anyone wants to plug in that way and do the glamorous task of pulling some weeds it would help us. It doesn't have to be on a Saturday either, even though we plugged that in on the calendar. Just let me know if you have any questions about it.
La résistance tient à 1.3852 et des poussières
-5,5 pips sur la première attaque des 1.3850
+9,5 pips sur la deuxième attaque.
C'est mieux mais la résistance tient toujours. Demain peut-etre ?
+9,5 pips sur la deuxième attaque.
C'est mieux mais la résistance tient toujours. Demain peut-etre ?
lunes, 23 de julio de 2007
Care Calendar
A number of our friends have expressed the desire to help with a number of things. This has been such a humbling experience for us, and I am even more humbled to be writing this now. It's hard to accept help from others. Maybe it's because I'm a man or just a wretch. I know what a joy it is to help others, but for me it is much harder to receive help. But regardless of my pride, we know we need it. I took vacation today and will again tomorrow to be home with Leslie and the kids. But after tomorrow I will have only one day for the rest of the year. So things like meals will certainly be a huge help to us. And since a number of people have offered to help in this way, we have decided to create at care calendar. This calendar allows people to sign up for specific days and will help in the coordination. Our church family has offered to do this, but we thought this would be a help to them as well being that it will allow people to do so online instead of making phone calls. So to access the calendar, go to carecalendar.org/. The calendar ID is 1026 and the code is 7263. We are still learning this system, so bear with us. But it should be straight forward. Once you log in you can see days that have openings for meals. You can sign up for an empty day and then others will know that day is filled. Your email address will not be made public. We may also need some other help along the way for people to stay with Leslie and the kids while I am at work, and some basic house cleaning. However, so far I and our family have been able to keep up with this so far. If you want to help with these two items, email me and tell me what you'd like to do and when and I'll let you know if we will need the help then. I hope this does not come across as conceited or pretentious. My hope is that this will just streamline the offers from so many of you, and provide an outlet for you to do as the Lord leads you. Thanks to Crystal for sharing this idea of the calendar with us!
Today our friend Marjorie came over and brought some meals and some gum for the kids. It was so much fun to visit with her and catch up on her family and some of our old friends. It was at Marjorie's house, back in December of 1997, where Leslie and I first talked and length and really began getting to know each other at a Christmas party. She also hosted one of our wedding showers. So she gets to claim being one of the "facilitators" of Leslie and me getting together! :-)
I went to the doctor today for my back. It was a helpful visit to understand more about my injury and begin to plan a course of action. The doc thinks that the torn disc may not be the main issue. It is rather, most likely, a bone injury at the bottom of my vertebrae. The fracture, known as a pars fracture, could have been caused by my fall or I could have been born with it. They can't tell. But the type of pain I'm experiencing seems to line up more with these symptoms than those of the torn disc. The torn disc is still an issue, but will heal with time if I take care of it. They want to try some physical therapy and then an injection to see if that will help reduce the pain and speed up my recovery. I've heard enough horror stories from others to appreciate how little pain I've experienced. I've also discovered that a back belt, with some magnets in it, has helped with the pain more than any other thing. It may sound cooky, but it works! Thanks to Curtis for letting me borrow it!
Leslie had a good day today. She still amazes me with how she is handling everything. She still tires quickly, but is much stronger than I imagined she would be this far along in the recovery process.
Today our friend Marjorie came over and brought some meals and some gum for the kids. It was so much fun to visit with her and catch up on her family and some of our old friends. It was at Marjorie's house, back in December of 1997, where Leslie and I first talked and length and really began getting to know each other at a Christmas party. She also hosted one of our wedding showers. So she gets to claim being one of the "facilitators" of Leslie and me getting together! :-)
I went to the doctor today for my back. It was a helpful visit to understand more about my injury and begin to plan a course of action. The doc thinks that the torn disc may not be the main issue. It is rather, most likely, a bone injury at the bottom of my vertebrae. The fracture, known as a pars fracture, could have been caused by my fall or I could have been born with it. They can't tell. But the type of pain I'm experiencing seems to line up more with these symptoms than those of the torn disc. The torn disc is still an issue, but will heal with time if I take care of it. They want to try some physical therapy and then an injection to see if that will help reduce the pain and speed up my recovery. I've heard enough horror stories from others to appreciate how little pain I've experienced. I've also discovered that a back belt, with some magnets in it, has helped with the pain more than any other thing. It may sound cooky, but it works! Thanks to Curtis for letting me borrow it!
Leslie had a good day today. She still amazes me with how she is handling everything. She still tires quickly, but is much stronger than I imagined she would be this far along in the recovery process.
sábado, 21 de julio de 2007
A Beautiful Day
Today was a beautiful day, in many ways. This morning started by taking the girls to the doctor to check a skin condition on Munchkin. The girls enjoyed the ride in our "new" van. The weather was near perfect and we rode with the windows down much of the morning. Leslie didn't feel up to going with us, so we took our time to give her some quiet time to rest.
This evening Grandad and Mimi came by and visited with us. The girls sang some songs (or were supposed to), but Aggie was surprisingly a bit shy about it.
Tonight I videoed some of the girls and got a few seconds that I thought were very sweet of Leslie. She is a wonderful mother, and even though her strength is down and she's dealing with pain you will see she still sweetly cares for our children. She looks great, doesn't she!? Enjoy!
This evening Grandad and Mimi came by and visited with us. The girls sang some songs (or were supposed to), but Aggie was surprisingly a bit shy about it.
Tonight I videoed some of the girls and got a few seconds that I thought were very sweet of Leslie. She is a wonderful mother, and even though her strength is down and she's dealing with pain you will see she still sweetly cares for our children. She looks great, doesn't she!? Enjoy!
viernes, 20 de julio de 2007
The Girls Are Home
This evening I picked the girls up in South Carolina and brought them home. I'm not sure who was more excited, the girls or Leslie. We are so thankful that they had a wonderful time in SC. Clay and Dana really ministered to them and loved on them, making their time away so enjoyable. Tonight they put a show on for Leslie and me, dancing and singing songs they learned at VBS in SC.
Leslie had a good day today, after a good night's rest. She tires easily though. Kristen came over and spent the day, caring for Leslie, our home, and running errands. God has used her tremendously to minister to us during this time.
I would ask that you remember my dad in your prayers. He has not been feeling well and has had trouble swallowing. He is set to see the doctor on Tuesday. Please pray that they will be able to quickly determine what is going on in his body and that he will be restored to full health soon. Pray too for peace for mom.
I encourage you to read a good article written by Steve Collins, the Spiritual Life Director at MTW. One line that particularly struck me is this:
The communion of the saints is strongly evangelistic. The gospel must be preached, but it must be preached by our lives as well as by our words—not just by our lives in their disconnected individuality, but by our communal lives. The world needs to hear truth, but it also needs to see beauty, the very beauty of God in the imperfect, but real exhibition of divine love and grace within the body of Christ. The quality of our community powerfully impacts the credibility of our gospel witness.
This has been so true in our lives recently as we have witnessed the power of "real exhibition of divine love and grace within the body of Christ." My prayer is that unbelievers around us will be drawn to the Gospel as they witness the love and unity of God's people caring for us.
Leslie had a good day today, after a good night's rest. She tires easily though. Kristen came over and spent the day, caring for Leslie, our home, and running errands. God has used her tremendously to minister to us during this time.
I would ask that you remember my dad in your prayers. He has not been feeling well and has had trouble swallowing. He is set to see the doctor on Tuesday. Please pray that they will be able to quickly determine what is going on in his body and that he will be restored to full health soon. Pray too for peace for mom.
I encourage you to read a good article written by Steve Collins, the Spiritual Life Director at MTW. One line that particularly struck me is this:
The communion of the saints is strongly evangelistic. The gospel must be preached, but it must be preached by our lives as well as by our words—not just by our lives in their disconnected individuality, but by our communal lives. The world needs to hear truth, but it also needs to see beauty, the very beauty of God in the imperfect, but real exhibition of divine love and grace within the body of Christ. The quality of our community powerfully impacts the credibility of our gospel witness.
This has been so true in our lives recently as we have witnessed the power of "real exhibition of divine love and grace within the body of Christ." My prayer is that unbelievers around us will be drawn to the Gospel as they witness the love and unity of God's people caring for us.
jueves, 19 de julio de 2007
"I'm a new woman!"
No, not me. That's what Leslie said to me on the phone a few minutes ago. She called to say they had successfully removed the stint (about 10 inches in length according to her mom) and that she feels so much better. So praise God for relief from this. Now that we have that out of the way, the next thing will be with the oncologist.
Rough Night
Last night was a rough one for Leslie. She began having pain around bedtime. When I came up she'd moved to the couch and was still in a lot of pain. At 1 she called the doctor (urologist) who said everything was "normal." Without going into details, I don't think this pain was normal, nor were the symptoms (since they were worsening). So she called the urologist's office first thing this morning and got an appointment for 9:30 AM. Her mother came to take her and Leslie sent me on to work (again). So I'm waiting to hear now how it went. But please pray as she was really hurting (she hasn't complained much about anything, until last night). Now the question is, since the urologist left this stint, and since his stitch broke when they went to remove it at the hospital, will they charge us for this office visit and procedure this morning?! :-)
miércoles, 18 de julio de 2007
Amazed
Amazed - that is the word that comes to my mind when I think over the past 3 weeks. I'm am really amazed by the view of Christ's Body that I've gotten to see. It's as if I've been taken to the top of the Empire State Building and given a view of the city that until then I'd only seen from the ground. It's easy to become discouraged when I watch the news. It's even easier to become discouraged, and sometimes downright depressed, when I meditate on my own world. But as with either case, perspective can provide a view that really changes us.
In the past three weeks my perspective has been changed. First, in that moment that Leslie told me over the phone, "I have colon cancer," my perspective immediately changed. It no longer mattered that Munchkin had just tee-tee'd on the carpet. She's three. She was playing. She didn't make it. But it was on the carpet and so I flipped my lid. But then the phone rang and everything changed. My perspective as I cleaned up the mess was that God allowed that very thing so that I could kneel down and hang my head while I was cleaning it so that the kids never noticed I was sobbing. Urine-soaked carpet was miniscule in light of my wife having cancer.
In the past several months I have expressed to friends my growing frustration with the church. Not my church. And not The Church (Christ's Bride). I love my church. I love Christ's Body (I know better than to disrespect Him and his Bride). I allowed the lines to blur between The Church and the church, the institution in America that people, both saved and unsaved, attend each week. This is the visible church. But boy has my perpesctive changed in the past three weeks. I have been amazed at the love and care of believers all over for Leslie and for our family. Phone calls, emails, blog posts and comments, visits, cards, monetary gifts, hugs, prayers, etc... The morning of Leslie's surgery I was surrounded not only by family, but by many friends and fellow believers. After the surgery came more visits, flowers, calls, and cards. Throughout this experience so many have written such deep words of encouragement on this blog and on Leslie's. Today at work, countless people approached me to ask how Leslie was doing and to tell me they are praying. I can see from where I am, with this new perspective, how Christ loves us through His Body. A church we have never attended has sent a card, flowers and even a very generous gift to help with expenses. Our current and past church is organizing meals. Countless other churches have added Leslie to their prayer times. Countless believers have offered to do "anything." Suddenly I find myself wanting to write God-glorifying posts that magnify His Bride. A few weeks ago I was forming a number of posts in my head that could have been characterized as scathing. The Body isn't perfect because it's made up of sinners. But Christ is perfecting His Bride, to present Her spotless before the Father one day in the future. How thankful I am in this moment to be a witness of this perfecting process. And not only to be a witness, but also to be a benficiary.
I write these things to not only give God glory, but to encourage any one who reads this not to do what I have done over and over again. The visible church can be a frustrating thing to view. But take a lesson from me if this is the case; change your perspective. Don't wait for the traumas of life to open your eyes. Look around and see the work of our Mighty King, who not only rules His Kingdom, but works through His Kingdom. Ask God to give you eyes to see His Bride and not be blinded by the visible church. See the invisible Church! And if you are a believer, and therefore a part of the invisible Church, don't be invisible. Serve Christ by serving others. Share what you believe. Then you can see what is invisible.
Cancer can quickly open your eyes (or harden your heart). Not only has Leslie's handling of this disease opened my eyes to God's goodness, so has the testimony of Jan Kooistra. She is the wife of Paul Kooistra, the coordinator of Mission to the World (where I work). Since joining the staff at MTW I have learned quite a bit about Jan and her battle with cancer. I've also learned of the power of prayer as I've met believers all over the country who have been praying for her. I've watched and listened to Dr. Kooistra share of his love and care for her. What an example this has been to me. As I've heard these things I never imagined that I would get to put them into practice, and so soon! Oh, that I would lay down my life for Leslie the way that Christ laid down His life for His Bride. Jan recently shared her story and I would like to share it with you. So many things that she has shared ring true with us now. So many of her words were the very ones that Leslie has used. God has been using the Kooistras to build my faith, long before I knew I would ever need it. Jan's cancer is terminal. Yet her joy shines bright. Her is her story:
When Steve Collins asked me if I would give the devotional at this luncheon, the answer came quickly and easily—No! I’m not a public speaker…getting up in front of a group absolutely terrifies me! But the Holy Spirit started talking to me just as quickly. In essence, He said, “Jesus went to the cross for you, you know.” He did not have to say more and here I am, in front of you. I could do no other.
First of all, I want to thank all of you for the prayers you have offered up on my behalf, as well as prayers for my husband and family. Those prayers have given us the strength and encouragement to keep on keeping on, to trust in the only wise God and to love Him the more as we walk through our Gethsemane. Because this is way out of my comfort zone, this is probably more a sharing of my life than it is a devotional.
Everyone knows, I’m sure, that I’ve been living with metastatic breast cancer for almost 4.5 years now. It’s the one word, in any language, that strikes fear in everyone. The original diagnosis in 1995 was frightening, but after 2 surgeries and 5 years of oral medication life returned to what seemed “normal.” We had almost forgotten that I HAD cancer. But then….
A scan revealed a lump on my clavicle. A doctor palpated my neck one Monday afternoon and said, “I can tell you right now, you’ve got cancer!” And he left the room. I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. We went home in shock, returning the next week for more biopsies and scans. And he was right. It was metastatic breast cancer, which is incurable—I would be kept alive as long as possible.
My mind was numb and at the same time in a whirl. I wanted to grow old with my husband. I wanted to see my grandchildren grow up to love and serve the Lord. I didn’t want my aged mother to have to watch her daughter die, nor did I want my children to have to watch. I wasn’t ready to leave this world. And the questions that raced through my mind…. Who would take care of my husband? Wash his clothes…iron his shirts…cook his dinner…pay the bills…make sure the taxes were paid…and on and on I would go.
All that took about another week, but then the word spread and we started hearing from people all over the world. It was obvious they were all praying, for we found peace—peace in knowing we were in the loving arms of the Lord Jesus. Peace that could not be conjured on our own, peace that only He can give. Peace in knowing that God was in control.
And so the endless trips to Winship Cancer Center, this doctor, that doctor, this scan, that scan, this chemo, that chemo. Some chemo’s worked, some did not. Cancer is tricky—it changes properties. There were hospital stays for blood clots in my lungs, a long bout in the hospital after finding that my liver did not have the enzymes needed to metabolize the chemo I was taking at the time. It destroyed the mucus membranes, from my lips and mouth all the way down through my intestinal tract. That was a very frightening time, though again, knowing I was in the hollow of His hand brought the peace that can only come from Him.
There are those in the medical field who have urged me to join their support group and can’t understand why I decline. My family is my great support, and of course the faithful prayers of so many. Frankly, it has amazed and humbled me to hear of the people who have not tired of praying for me, so many that have prayed daily and continue to do so.
Paul Jr., our son. moved his wife and 3 little girls from St. Louis to within 5 miles just so they could be near us. He is always full of questions about the latest treatment, cat scan or bone scan. He’s fed us many of his gourmet creations, gives great hugs and calls just to say, “I love you, Mom.” His wife is always ready to run errands for me or bring her famous chicken and cheese soup. And who can resist a 2-year-old’s sloppy kiss on the cheek, two chubby hands holding your face and the words, “MY gramma.” Or watching her 6-year-old sister push herself to the limit on her swim team to bring home a first place ribbon.
Shary, in St. Louis, calls daily and keeps me posted on Sam’s Little League games and Maggie’s last craft project. Though I think she finds it difficult to talk about my cancer, I know she is daily in prayer for me and would cheerfully run the vacuum or clean the bathroom for me if she were about 600 miles closer.
Sidney, who is here with me today, was living with us from last Christmas until just a couple of weeks ago, when she and her husband found the house the Lord had for them to move into. She has been a great help with cooking meals, being my personal nurse, and ever my cheerleader. Their children have kept me smiling with questions like, “Gramma, is your hair falling off?” Or when 8-year-old Alysia, upon asking me to remove the scarf covering my bald head, gave me her most horrified look and then quickly wrapped me up in her arms and said, “You’re still beautiful to me, Gramma.”
And of course my husband. THE example of “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” His constant prayers, love and encouragement have been unfailing. And he’s learned how to use the washing machine, where to find the vacuum cleaner, and has advanced his culinary skills way beyond peanut butter sandwiches and hard-boiled eggs. Other than my own salvation, he is God’s greatest gift to me.
The Lord has given me a wonderful doctor. Though not a Christian, he is the most caring and compassionate man. He never enters or leaves the room without a hug…for both of us. Believe me, he has heard much about the Lord, and though he’s firm humanist, the seeds have been and are being planted.
The nurse who has taken care of me week after week is a Christian and has become a dear friend. In the unbelievable maze of Winship Cancer Center, she has cut through many obstacles for us and made our trek through that maze a little easier. Unfortunately for us, she was recently promoted to Assistant Director and we are now left to God’s divine intervention in other ways.
We’ve become friends with the pharmacist there, who is a Christian and very active in mission work in Kenya.
Of course there are those around me in the other chemo chairs. Some know the Lord, others do not. We meet their loved ones, we share stories, we weep together, we rejoice together, we laugh together. We share terrible chemo jokes, like “Why don’t they have an express lane at the grocery store for cancer patients? After all, we don’t have as much time as other people.” Or, more seriously, we questions things like, “Should I buy a new pair of shoes? After all, will I be here to wear them?” It’s amazing the things you think and talk about when you have cancer.
Sometimes I go in and find that one of those friends has died. Those are really bad days. I’ve known one who left life with no interest in the Lord whatsoever, another who claimed to once know Him but over time rejected Him, and one who was filled with the love of his Savior and was a testimony of God’s love and care until his home going.
It is very fascinating as God weaves the fabric of my life, bringing His people, and some who are not, to minister to me in a variety of ways. And if God has used me in any way in that place, then it is my privilege to be there.
So, how do I walk with cancer day by day, week by week, month after month and year after year? First of all, I take one day at a time. I remember the blessings throughout my life. I remember how good life has been…and still is. I remember that I was not created for this world, but for eternal life in heaven, with my God and King. As the old spiritual aptly says, “this world is not my home, I’m just passin’ through.”
I remember Tim Keller once said, “Never, never, never think that God is not at work because you cannot see it. And never, ever, ever, ever think you can figure out what God is doing.”
Do I ever have fears, do I have doubts, do I have anxiety? Of course…there are moments, hours, and sometimes days when I wonder if I can keep going. I am human, I am frail, I am imperfect and in constant need of the Savior. I need to begin every day anew with Jesus. He is my comfort, my strength, my peace. And I remember Psalm 139. “You formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother’s womb…your eyes saw my unformed substance, in your book were written, everyone of them, the days that were formed for me.” I remember Moses telling Joshua, “be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
I remember John 14:1-3. “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.” I remember Isaiah 26:3. “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” And I remember Psalms 31:14-15a. “But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hand….”
Amen.
In the past three weeks my perspective has been changed. First, in that moment that Leslie told me over the phone, "I have colon cancer," my perspective immediately changed. It no longer mattered that Munchkin had just tee-tee'd on the carpet. She's three. She was playing. She didn't make it. But it was on the carpet and so I flipped my lid. But then the phone rang and everything changed. My perspective as I cleaned up the mess was that God allowed that very thing so that I could kneel down and hang my head while I was cleaning it so that the kids never noticed I was sobbing. Urine-soaked carpet was miniscule in light of my wife having cancer.
In the past several months I have expressed to friends my growing frustration with the church. Not my church. And not The Church (Christ's Bride). I love my church. I love Christ's Body (I know better than to disrespect Him and his Bride). I allowed the lines to blur between The Church and the church, the institution in America that people, both saved and unsaved, attend each week. This is the visible church. But boy has my perpesctive changed in the past three weeks. I have been amazed at the love and care of believers all over for Leslie and for our family. Phone calls, emails, blog posts and comments, visits, cards, monetary gifts, hugs, prayers, etc... The morning of Leslie's surgery I was surrounded not only by family, but by many friends and fellow believers. After the surgery came more visits, flowers, calls, and cards. Throughout this experience so many have written such deep words of encouragement on this blog and on Leslie's. Today at work, countless people approached me to ask how Leslie was doing and to tell me they are praying. I can see from where I am, with this new perspective, how Christ loves us through His Body. A church we have never attended has sent a card, flowers and even a very generous gift to help with expenses. Our current and past church is organizing meals. Countless other churches have added Leslie to their prayer times. Countless believers have offered to do "anything." Suddenly I find myself wanting to write God-glorifying posts that magnify His Bride. A few weeks ago I was forming a number of posts in my head that could have been characterized as scathing. The Body isn't perfect because it's made up of sinners. But Christ is perfecting His Bride, to present Her spotless before the Father one day in the future. How thankful I am in this moment to be a witness of this perfecting process. And not only to be a witness, but also to be a benficiary.
I write these things to not only give God glory, but to encourage any one who reads this not to do what I have done over and over again. The visible church can be a frustrating thing to view. But take a lesson from me if this is the case; change your perspective. Don't wait for the traumas of life to open your eyes. Look around and see the work of our Mighty King, who not only rules His Kingdom, but works through His Kingdom. Ask God to give you eyes to see His Bride and not be blinded by the visible church. See the invisible Church! And if you are a believer, and therefore a part of the invisible Church, don't be invisible. Serve Christ by serving others. Share what you believe. Then you can see what is invisible.
Cancer can quickly open your eyes (or harden your heart). Not only has Leslie's handling of this disease opened my eyes to God's goodness, so has the testimony of Jan Kooistra. She is the wife of Paul Kooistra, the coordinator of Mission to the World (where I work). Since joining the staff at MTW I have learned quite a bit about Jan and her battle with cancer. I've also learned of the power of prayer as I've met believers all over the country who have been praying for her. I've watched and listened to Dr. Kooistra share of his love and care for her. What an example this has been to me. As I've heard these things I never imagined that I would get to put them into practice, and so soon! Oh, that I would lay down my life for Leslie the way that Christ laid down His life for His Bride. Jan recently shared her story and I would like to share it with you. So many things that she has shared ring true with us now. So many of her words were the very ones that Leslie has used. God has been using the Kooistras to build my faith, long before I knew I would ever need it. Jan's cancer is terminal. Yet her joy shines bright. Her is her story:
When Steve Collins asked me if I would give the devotional at this luncheon, the answer came quickly and easily—No! I’m not a public speaker…getting up in front of a group absolutely terrifies me! But the Holy Spirit started talking to me just as quickly. In essence, He said, “Jesus went to the cross for you, you know.” He did not have to say more and here I am, in front of you. I could do no other.
First of all, I want to thank all of you for the prayers you have offered up on my behalf, as well as prayers for my husband and family. Those prayers have given us the strength and encouragement to keep on keeping on, to trust in the only wise God and to love Him the more as we walk through our Gethsemane. Because this is way out of my comfort zone, this is probably more a sharing of my life than it is a devotional.
Everyone knows, I’m sure, that I’ve been living with metastatic breast cancer for almost 4.5 years now. It’s the one word, in any language, that strikes fear in everyone. The original diagnosis in 1995 was frightening, but after 2 surgeries and 5 years of oral medication life returned to what seemed “normal.” We had almost forgotten that I HAD cancer. But then….
A scan revealed a lump on my clavicle. A doctor palpated my neck one Monday afternoon and said, “I can tell you right now, you’ve got cancer!” And he left the room. I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. We went home in shock, returning the next week for more biopsies and scans. And he was right. It was metastatic breast cancer, which is incurable—I would be kept alive as long as possible.
My mind was numb and at the same time in a whirl. I wanted to grow old with my husband. I wanted to see my grandchildren grow up to love and serve the Lord. I didn’t want my aged mother to have to watch her daughter die, nor did I want my children to have to watch. I wasn’t ready to leave this world. And the questions that raced through my mind…. Who would take care of my husband? Wash his clothes…iron his shirts…cook his dinner…pay the bills…make sure the taxes were paid…and on and on I would go.
All that took about another week, but then the word spread and we started hearing from people all over the world. It was obvious they were all praying, for we found peace—peace in knowing we were in the loving arms of the Lord Jesus. Peace that could not be conjured on our own, peace that only He can give. Peace in knowing that God was in control.
And so the endless trips to Winship Cancer Center, this doctor, that doctor, this scan, that scan, this chemo, that chemo. Some chemo’s worked, some did not. Cancer is tricky—it changes properties. There were hospital stays for blood clots in my lungs, a long bout in the hospital after finding that my liver did not have the enzymes needed to metabolize the chemo I was taking at the time. It destroyed the mucus membranes, from my lips and mouth all the way down through my intestinal tract. That was a very frightening time, though again, knowing I was in the hollow of His hand brought the peace that can only come from Him.
There are those in the medical field who have urged me to join their support group and can’t understand why I decline. My family is my great support, and of course the faithful prayers of so many. Frankly, it has amazed and humbled me to hear of the people who have not tired of praying for me, so many that have prayed daily and continue to do so.
Paul Jr., our son. moved his wife and 3 little girls from St. Louis to within 5 miles just so they could be near us. He is always full of questions about the latest treatment, cat scan or bone scan. He’s fed us many of his gourmet creations, gives great hugs and calls just to say, “I love you, Mom.” His wife is always ready to run errands for me or bring her famous chicken and cheese soup. And who can resist a 2-year-old’s sloppy kiss on the cheek, two chubby hands holding your face and the words, “MY gramma.” Or watching her 6-year-old sister push herself to the limit on her swim team to bring home a first place ribbon.
Shary, in St. Louis, calls daily and keeps me posted on Sam’s Little League games and Maggie’s last craft project. Though I think she finds it difficult to talk about my cancer, I know she is daily in prayer for me and would cheerfully run the vacuum or clean the bathroom for me if she were about 600 miles closer.
Sidney, who is here with me today, was living with us from last Christmas until just a couple of weeks ago, when she and her husband found the house the Lord had for them to move into. She has been a great help with cooking meals, being my personal nurse, and ever my cheerleader. Their children have kept me smiling with questions like, “Gramma, is your hair falling off?” Or when 8-year-old Alysia, upon asking me to remove the scarf covering my bald head, gave me her most horrified look and then quickly wrapped me up in her arms and said, “You’re still beautiful to me, Gramma.”
And of course my husband. THE example of “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” His constant prayers, love and encouragement have been unfailing. And he’s learned how to use the washing machine, where to find the vacuum cleaner, and has advanced his culinary skills way beyond peanut butter sandwiches and hard-boiled eggs. Other than my own salvation, he is God’s greatest gift to me.
The Lord has given me a wonderful doctor. Though not a Christian, he is the most caring and compassionate man. He never enters or leaves the room without a hug…for both of us. Believe me, he has heard much about the Lord, and though he’s firm humanist, the seeds have been and are being planted.
The nurse who has taken care of me week after week is a Christian and has become a dear friend. In the unbelievable maze of Winship Cancer Center, she has cut through many obstacles for us and made our trek through that maze a little easier. Unfortunately for us, she was recently promoted to Assistant Director and we are now left to God’s divine intervention in other ways.
We’ve become friends with the pharmacist there, who is a Christian and very active in mission work in Kenya.
Of course there are those around me in the other chemo chairs. Some know the Lord, others do not. We meet their loved ones, we share stories, we weep together, we rejoice together, we laugh together. We share terrible chemo jokes, like “Why don’t they have an express lane at the grocery store for cancer patients? After all, we don’t have as much time as other people.” Or, more seriously, we questions things like, “Should I buy a new pair of shoes? After all, will I be here to wear them?” It’s amazing the things you think and talk about when you have cancer.
Sometimes I go in and find that one of those friends has died. Those are really bad days. I’ve known one who left life with no interest in the Lord whatsoever, another who claimed to once know Him but over time rejected Him, and one who was filled with the love of his Savior and was a testimony of God’s love and care until his home going.
It is very fascinating as God weaves the fabric of my life, bringing His people, and some who are not, to minister to me in a variety of ways. And if God has used me in any way in that place, then it is my privilege to be there.
So, how do I walk with cancer day by day, week by week, month after month and year after year? First of all, I take one day at a time. I remember the blessings throughout my life. I remember how good life has been…and still is. I remember that I was not created for this world, but for eternal life in heaven, with my God and King. As the old spiritual aptly says, “this world is not my home, I’m just passin’ through.”
I remember Tim Keller once said, “Never, never, never think that God is not at work because you cannot see it. And never, ever, ever, ever think you can figure out what God is doing.”
Do I ever have fears, do I have doubts, do I have anxiety? Of course…there are moments, hours, and sometimes days when I wonder if I can keep going. I am human, I am frail, I am imperfect and in constant need of the Savior. I need to begin every day anew with Jesus. He is my comfort, my strength, my peace. And I remember Psalm 139. “You formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother’s womb…your eyes saw my unformed substance, in your book were written, everyone of them, the days that were formed for me.” I remember Moses telling Joshua, “be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
I remember John 14:1-3. “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.” I remember Isaiah 26:3. “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” And I remember Psalms 31:14-15a. “But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hand….”
Amen.
martes, 17 de julio de 2007
Terrific Tuesday
Okay, so I am running out of creative titles for each day. But it really has been a terrific day so far. Pris came by this morning and said that Leslie could eat solid food. So she had a few bites of eggs and grits this morning. She couldn't eat much, but her tummy has done fine. They are trying oral pain medicine today (Lortab) instead of morphine to see if that will manage her pain. If so, we may be able to leave this evening!! I don't want to rush it though. But so far things are moving right along.
We also got the pathology report this morning. The lymph nodes were negative, for which we are very thankful! However, the cancer had grown through the colon wall. So we weren't thrilled about that. So we will go see the oncologist in a few weeks and find out what kind of treatment will be next. There really is no point to worry much about it at this point. The oncologist wants her to heal from the surgery before starting anything. Plus, there are many options today for treatment. So it may or may not be chemotherapy. But if it is, all the guys have already promised Leslie that if she loses her hair, we'll be shaving ours! Again, there's no point in getting that far down the road yet.
So we are thanking God for His goodness to us today.
Yesterday (I don't think I already wrote this) Leslie was able to get a shower. She really felt better after that. She's going to take one again today and she had me bring her make-up. She's moving around, bending and twisting, very well. The only thing the doctor has prohibited her from is lifting. Once we get rid of the IV, she is anxious to get her normal clothes on (although this hospital gown is growing on me).
We've had a number of visitors this morning already, mostly pastors and docs. Leslie's dad and grandfather are here too. Life has been so busy for such a long time that it is so nice to have these moments just to visit.
We also got the pathology report this morning. The lymph nodes were negative, for which we are very thankful! However, the cancer had grown through the colon wall. So we weren't thrilled about that. So we will go see the oncologist in a few weeks and find out what kind of treatment will be next. There really is no point to worry much about it at this point. The oncologist wants her to heal from the surgery before starting anything. Plus, there are many options today for treatment. So it may or may not be chemotherapy. But if it is, all the guys have already promised Leslie that if she loses her hair, we'll be shaving ours! Again, there's no point in getting that far down the road yet.
So we are thanking God for His goodness to us today.
Yesterday (I don't think I already wrote this) Leslie was able to get a shower. She really felt better after that. She's going to take one again today and she had me bring her make-up. She's moving around, bending and twisting, very well. The only thing the doctor has prohibited her from is lifting. Once we get rid of the IV, she is anxious to get her normal clothes on (although this hospital gown is growing on me).
We've had a number of visitors this morning already, mostly pastors and docs. Leslie's dad and grandfather are here too. Life has been so busy for such a long time that it is so nice to have these moments just to visit.
lunes, 16 de julio de 2007
Day 3
We thought today was day four, but the doc informed Leslie this morning that it is technically day three according to the way they count it. Still, the doc is very pleased with Leslie's progress. She has been up walking lots today. We've also had a number of friends come by. I got a chance to go have lunch with my dad and my pastor (and avoid the cafeteria).
Because of Leslie's progress (I'll spare you the details other than to say what would normally be impolite, the docs and nurses are wanting her to do), she has graduated from clear liquids to all liquids. So she enjoyed "the best tomato soup she has ever had" as well as some pudding. Once she gets more confidence she will venture out into other liquids (like a milkshake from Chick-fil-A).
We've gotten to talk with all three kids on the phone today. We've even got some cute pic messages on Leslie's phone.
Sorry for short posts during the day, but this is about all I can type on my phone before I get tired of this thumbboard.
Because of Leslie's progress (I'll spare you the details other than to say what would normally be impolite, the docs and nurses are wanting her to do), she has graduated from clear liquids to all liquids. So she enjoyed "the best tomato soup she has ever had" as well as some pudding. Once she gets more confidence she will venture out into other liquids (like a milkshake from Chick-fil-A).
We've gotten to talk with all three kids on the phone today. We've even got some cute pic messages on Leslie's phone.
Sorry for short posts during the day, but this is about all I can type on my phone before I get tired of this thumbboard.
domingo, 15 de julio de 2007
Walk the Line
This has been a day of lots of walking. Leslie has made several rounds through the halls of the hospital today, walking while I have pushed her IV pole. She got a little bit of rest this morning, but afterward tried not to use the morphine drip any. The pain caught up with her and her nurse encouraged her to use it so that she could walk more. She followed her instructions and that helped her to do the walking she needs to do. The goal right now is to get her insides working again. Please pray to that end.
She just called me while I'm writing, to make sure I made it home. It's 11:30 PM and she said she's having trouble sleeping. Please pray that she is able to rest!!
We had a quiet day, mostly. There were a few visits, and that was encouraging. But it was a good day for some downtime too. Her mother came up in the evening to let me get out for a minute. I hated leaving, as I always do. But I was able to run an errand and grab a bite to eat while I was out, as well as a cup of Starbucks. :-)
I did get a call this evening about my truck. Please pray that it would sell soon so that we can take care of getting a new van to replace our current one. I know it sounds trivial, but a smooth transaction would alleviate some stress, and allow us to find a reliable ride.
We talked to Dana, Leslie's sister today, and the girls are doing great. I also talked with Rob, my brother, and McGrooter is also doing well. This gives us real peace.
She just called me while I'm writing, to make sure I made it home. It's 11:30 PM and she said she's having trouble sleeping. Please pray that she is able to rest!!
We had a quiet day, mostly. There were a few visits, and that was encouraging. But it was a good day for some downtime too. Her mother came up in the evening to let me get out for a minute. I hated leaving, as I always do. But I was able to run an errand and grab a bite to eat while I was out, as well as a cup of Starbucks. :-)
I did get a call this evening about my truck. Please pray that it would sell soon so that we can take care of getting a new van to replace our current one. I know it sounds trivial, but a smooth transaction would alleviate some stress, and allow us to find a reliable ride.
We talked to Dana, Leslie's sister today, and the girls are doing great. I also talked with Rob, my brother, and McGrooter is also doing well. This gives us real peace.
Continuing to Progress
Leslie got a little more sleep last night but still not as much as we'd like. She made a trip up and down the hall last night with the nurse and today she and I walked it. She did great!
Our prayer right now is that her digestive track would return to normal. She is still on a clear liquid diet. Walking is the best thing to get everything awake again but because she's gotten very little sustenance her strength for walking fades quickly.
Pray too that she gets some rest today.
Our prayer right now is that her digestive track would return to normal. She is still on a clear liquid diet. Walking is the best thing to get everything awake again but because she's gotten very little sustenance her strength for walking fades quickly.
Pray too that she gets some rest today.
sábado, 14 de julio de 2007
Leslie is up!
This evening Leslie got out of bed for the first time. She has been experiencing nausea and some acid reflux today and so the nurse encouraged her to get up and move around. She was able to get out of bed and take some steps. She really did well. Her nurse was planning to take her up and down the hall later on.
Leslie's pain has been better managed today as a result of the morphine drip. It's done a better job than the epidural. Dana, Leslie's sister, brought the girls by before taking them back home with her. It was a good visit and it brightened Leslie's day. Aggie brought her a page with a note she wrote on it and they brought her a flower as well.
She is still on a clear liquid diet and has really not had much of an appetite. Overall she's doing great and shows so much strength. Continue to pray for her as she recovers. The stint remains and we hope the urologist will tell us more on Monday.
Leslie's pain has been better managed today as a result of the morphine drip. It's done a better job than the epidural. Dana, Leslie's sister, brought the girls by before taking them back home with her. It was a good visit and it brightened Leslie's day. Aggie brought her a page with a note she wrote on it and they brought her a flower as well.
She is still on a clear liquid diet and has really not had much of an appetite. Overall she's doing great and shows so much strength. Continue to pray for her as she recovers. The stint remains and we hope the urologist will tell us more on Monday.
No Surgery!
The urologist just came by and said he thinks there is no need to do surgery. He is fine with the stint staying in and taking it out later in the office. So we are very happy that Leslie won't have to go downstairs. She is resting now after a restless night. They had to take the epidural about 4:30 this morning. It just wasn't working. So now she has a morphine drip and that is doing the trick. She looks great and really is doing better than we could have hoped.
On another note, mom was bitten by a spider this morning and has a knot where the bite is. She's had trouble moving her arm. So pray that will heal quickly and that she will take this seriously (and go see the doc if need be)!
On another note, mom was bitten by a spider this morning and has a knot where the bite is. She's had trouble moving her arm. So pray that will heal quickly and that she will take this seriously (and go see the doc if need be)!
Another Surgery?
Well we hope it's not the case but it looks possible.. Leslie had two stints near her bladder. they removed one during surgery and planned to pull the other one out today. But the string broke. So now the docs are deciding what to do.
viernes, 13 de julio de 2007
Overcome
Tonight I am overcome...with so many different emotions and feelings. I feel relieved and happy that Leslie's surgery was successful. I'm thankful to God for Dr. Pris Strom, that He providentially brought her into our lives and gave her not only the skill of a surgeon but a heart for, and filled with, love for her Savior. It overflowed to us. I'm exhausted. But I'm revived. I'm revived because of the love and care of so many people. Comments left on our blogs, phone calls, flowers, gifts, and many visits have left me feeling like this is all a dream. How could people care this much? I know. I know. Tonight I sense God's satisfaction in His people, His Bride. Tonight I am satisfied by Him. In this moment I know peace and contentment. I'm not being, or at least not trying to be, sappy.
Right now Leslie is resting in room 233 at Northeast Georgia Medical Center. We've had wonderful care there. Her sister, Dana, is spending the night with her. Thank you so much Dana!
I feel like writing thanks to so many people today, but I must get some rest. We got the best report we could have received today and now we can focus on Leslie's recovery. Please continue to pray. If you haven't read Leslie's blog in the past day, I highly recommend it. Good Night!
Right now Leslie is resting in room 233 at Northeast Georgia Medical Center. We've had wonderful care there. Her sister, Dana, is spending the night with her. Thank you so much Dana!
I feel like writing thanks to so many people today, but I must get some rest. We got the best report we could have received today and now we can focus on Leslie's recovery. Please continue to pray. If you haven't read Leslie's blog in the past day, I highly recommend it. Good Night!
Update #2
We just met with Dr. Strom. The surgery went well. The tumor was about the size of a golf ball. By all appearances the cancer was not outside the colon wall and there were no swollen lymph nodes. This is the best report we could have gotten. We won't know for sure until we get the pathology report next week. But all is as well as can be right now.
Surgery Update #1
she went back about 8. so hopefully in the next hour we will see the surgeon. the gang is all here it seems. Leslie did well this morning, especially after they gave her some happy juice. i'll be back when I know more.
jueves, 12 de julio de 2007
How Will I Know How The Surgery Went?
If you want the answer to this question, you're at the right place. A few people have asked me to "let them know how the surgery went" or "give them a call to let them know." I so appreciate everyone's care for us, but I can't even remember who asked me to call them. And I guarantee by tomorrow morning I won't even remember I typed this. Those who know me, know my memory isn't the greatest. Given the circumstances right now it is even worse. So, if you want to know how Leslie's surgery went, come back right here. This is the place to find out.
I'm not sure how I'll be able to do with the phone, as far as calls go (having my phone on in the hospital, etc...). But I can post to my blog from my phone (so I'll go outside or to a window to get a signal and make a quick post). It won't be fancy, may have misspellings, and will certainly be missing proper capitalization. But I can at least send out a quick update that way and everyone can find out quickly.
The surgery is to begin at 7:30 AM. She's the first for the day so we hope that it will be close to 7:30. The doctor says it will be 2-3 hours with 45 minutes in recovery. So by mid-morning I should be able to post something. If you don't see anything, don't fret. There could be a dozen things or more that may prevent me from updating the site. But I'll get something online as soon as possible.
Today has been hard for Leslie so far. Not being able to eat anything, she is weak. The kids don't understand, and they're bored. So thankfully Kristin, our sister-in-law, came over with lunch and medicine for Leslie. My dad is going to pick up McGrooter and Leslie's folks are going to get the girls after naps and take them for pizza. Pray that Leslie will be as comfortable as possible and maybe even get some rest (she is SO tired).
On a lighter note, my good friend Van sent me an email to say that someone Googled "Seth and Leslie Wallace" and ended up at his blog. Guess I need to put something like this "Seth and Leslie Wallace" to get our page ranked! :-)
I'm not sure how I'll be able to do with the phone, as far as calls go (having my phone on in the hospital, etc...). But I can post to my blog from my phone (so I'll go outside or to a window to get a signal and make a quick post). It won't be fancy, may have misspellings, and will certainly be missing proper capitalization. But I can at least send out a quick update that way and everyone can find out quickly.
The surgery is to begin at 7:30 AM. She's the first for the day so we hope that it will be close to 7:30. The doctor says it will be 2-3 hours with 45 minutes in recovery. So by mid-morning I should be able to post something. If you don't see anything, don't fret. There could be a dozen things or more that may prevent me from updating the site. But I'll get something online as soon as possible.
Today has been hard for Leslie so far. Not being able to eat anything, she is weak. The kids don't understand, and they're bored. So thankfully Kristin, our sister-in-law, came over with lunch and medicine for Leslie. My dad is going to pick up McGrooter and Leslie's folks are going to get the girls after naps and take them for pizza. Pray that Leslie will be as comfortable as possible and maybe even get some rest (she is SO tired).
On a lighter note, my good friend Van sent me an email to say that someone Googled "Seth and Leslie Wallace" and ended up at his blog. Guess I need to put something like this "Seth and Leslie Wallace" to get our page ranked! :-)
miércoles, 11 de julio de 2007
Sleepless Nights
The past few nights have been restless for me. I'm not sure why other than anxiety. I don't find myself dwelling on the particulars of what is happening, but I'm sure this is why I'm continually waking up. Sleep is a precious thing.
Today Leslie began her liquid diet. I am so thankful that Leslie's mom, Becky, came and got the kids this afternoon so that Leslie could have some quiet time and wouldn't have to prepare or smell dinner for the kids. I went over to Mike & Becky's after work and enjoying some fresh veggies from the Little Red Hen garden. I waited until bedtime to bring the kids home so they could go straight down.
Leslie seems to be doing well, given the circumstances. She is stronger than I am most of the time. Tomorrow after work I plan to take McGrooter to meet my brother Rob. He will stay with he and Stacy and play with the boys for a few days during Leslie's surgery and initial recovery. Leslie's sister, Dana, will keep the girls and then take them to her house for the next week.
Once again I feel like words fail me. We can't say "thanks" enough to everyone for praying and caring for us. Our friend Jill came to the house today and kept the kids so Leslie could run to the store. She also helped clean and get the house in order. Thanks Jill and thanks Russ for sharing her!
Today Leslie began her liquid diet. I am so thankful that Leslie's mom, Becky, came and got the kids this afternoon so that Leslie could have some quiet time and wouldn't have to prepare or smell dinner for the kids. I went over to Mike & Becky's after work and enjoying some fresh veggies from the Little Red Hen garden. I waited until bedtime to bring the kids home so they could go straight down.
Leslie seems to be doing well, given the circumstances. She is stronger than I am most of the time. Tomorrow after work I plan to take McGrooter to meet my brother Rob. He will stay with he and Stacy and play with the boys for a few days during Leslie's surgery and initial recovery. Leslie's sister, Dana, will keep the girls and then take them to her house for the next week.
Once again I feel like words fail me. We can't say "thanks" enough to everyone for praying and caring for us. Our friend Jill came to the house today and kept the kids so Leslie could run to the store. She also helped clean and get the house in order. Thanks Jill and thanks Russ for sharing her!
martes, 10 de julio de 2007
The Last Supper
Tonight Leslie, her grandfather, and I went to dinner for Leslie's last dinner before her surgery. She begins fasting tomorrow afternoon. We had a wonderful time together, one I think we'll remember for a long time. We ate at Luna's since Leslie's favorite, Two Dog Cafe, was closed. The food was spectacular. Poppie had oysters that were like butter. Leslie ate filet mignon and lobster. I had flounder. Thanks Poppie for a wonderful meal and a wonderful evening together! Leslie's folks kept the kids for us so that we could have this time together. Thanks Mike & Becky for making it possible!
We are thankful that no one in our home has gotten sick yet. Thanks to all who have prayed specifically for that!
Tomorrow Leslie begins her fast. Please pray that this will be as bearable as possible.
We are thankful that no one in our home has gotten sick yet. Thanks to all who have prayed specifically for that!
Tomorrow Leslie begins her fast. Please pray that this will be as bearable as possible.
Please Pray
Since so many are praying for us, let me share a very specific request that you can pray for right now! On Saturday, we had a family shindig (my side) at my sister Jenny's house. Since then about five people have come down with some type of "intestinal" bug. Not only do we not want to get sick, it is very important that Leslie does not get sick at this point. Pray that she will remain well and protected from any bug. If not, the surgery will have to be postponed. But pray also that the kids and I do not get sick either, as we would then be contagious. We need to have a well home right now. I want to be with Leslie during this time and would hate to be banned because I'm sick. Thanks for praying!!
lunes, 9 de julio de 2007
So Much To Do
Even though time feels like it is inching by at this point I still feel like there is not enough time to get everything done. I guess it's the pressure. I'm trying to get caught up on my work, think through the days and weeks to come, make arrangements, and take care of our vehicle situation. I think I finally found a good replacement van, but I still need to work that out (you can pray for wisdom). I also need to sell my truck (feel free to pass along this ad to anyone who might want a good little truck!).
It was a hard day, more for Leslie than for me. I find it harder to be at work each day and keep my mind focused while I am there. I've never been more thankful to be surrounded by so many caring people at work. Everyone always asks for an update and encourages me with their comittment to prayer.
I'm really trying not to let my stress overflow to our family. I found myself yelling at McGrooter this evening and then having to go back and apologize. He responded, "I'll always forgive you. You're my dad!" I felt like crying like a baby. It's a good lesson for me to see grace in the lives of my kids.
I'm thankful too for the grace I experience in my relationship with Leslie. Even in the midst of such a hard time, she is so caring with me. She accepts my clumsy words with such graciousness.
I, once again, am comforted by words from the Heidelberg Catechism:
Question 1. What is thy only comfort in life and death?
Answer: That I with body and soul, both in life and death, (a) am not my own, (b) but belong unto my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ; (c) who, with his precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, (d) and delivered me from all the power of the devil; (e) and so preserves me (f) that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; (g) yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, (h) and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, (i) and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him. (j)
It was a hard day, more for Leslie than for me. I find it harder to be at work each day and keep my mind focused while I am there. I've never been more thankful to be surrounded by so many caring people at work. Everyone always asks for an update and encourages me with their comittment to prayer.
I'm really trying not to let my stress overflow to our family. I found myself yelling at McGrooter this evening and then having to go back and apologize. He responded, "I'll always forgive you. You're my dad!" I felt like crying like a baby. It's a good lesson for me to see grace in the lives of my kids.
I'm thankful too for the grace I experience in my relationship with Leslie. Even in the midst of such a hard time, she is so caring with me. She accepts my clumsy words with such graciousness.
I, once again, am comforted by words from the Heidelberg Catechism:
Question 1. What is thy only comfort in life and death?
Answer: That I with body and soul, both in life and death, (a) am not my own, (b) but belong unto my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ; (c) who, with his precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, (d) and delivered me from all the power of the devil; (e) and so preserves me (f) that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; (g) yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, (h) and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, (i) and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him. (j)
Long Weekend
It was a long, but good weekend. We had a family get-together at my sister's and spent yesterday with Leslie's family and then our church family. Although we're exhausted from it all, I think it was a gift from God to help pass the time more quickly. It does feel like everything is moving in slow motion. Patience is a lesson I have yet to master.
Leslie had her pre-op meeting this morning to go over paperwork and such. She's working on her classroom today trying to get it finished. I just wanted to write a quick update while I'm eating my lunch so folks know we're still here, and to ask you all to keep praying.
Our spiritual life director here at MTW sent me this quote that I wanted to share (for those who aren't familiar, the Heidelberg Catechism is a series of questions and answers we teach our children):
"What do you believe when you say, 'I believe in God the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth?' That the eternal Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who out of nothing created heaven and earth and everything in them, and who still upholds and rules them by His eternal counsel and providence, is my God and Father. I trust Him so much that I do not doubt that He will provide whatever I need for body and soul, and will also turn to my good whatever adversity He sends me in this sad world. He is able to do this because He is almighty God and desires to do this because He is a faithful Father." Heidelberg Catechism, # 26
Leslie had her pre-op meeting this morning to go over paperwork and such. She's working on her classroom today trying to get it finished. I just wanted to write a quick update while I'm eating my lunch so folks know we're still here, and to ask you all to keep praying.
Our spiritual life director here at MTW sent me this quote that I wanted to share (for those who aren't familiar, the Heidelberg Catechism is a series of questions and answers we teach our children):
"What do you believe when you say, 'I believe in God the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth?' That the eternal Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who out of nothing created heaven and earth and everything in them, and who still upholds and rules them by His eternal counsel and providence, is my God and Father. I trust Him so much that I do not doubt that He will provide whatever I need for body and soul, and will also turn to my good whatever adversity He sends me in this sad world. He is able to do this because He is almighty God and desires to do this because He is a faithful Father." Heidelberg Catechism, # 26
sábado, 7 de julio de 2007
Rien ne dit que la FED devrait baisser les taux
ISM, confiance des consommateurs, taux de chômage à 4.5%, yields des bons du Trésor : tous ces indicateurs sont dans le vert. Personne ne peut prévoir jusqu'ou ira l'eur-usd la semaine prochaine, mais mes trades seront probablement plutôt orientés dollar haussier.
+10 pips vendredi pour clore la semaine. Vite pris mon bénéfice car le gain du dollar n'était pas "franc"; ce qui se vérifia lorsque le cours reparti très vite à la hausse largement au-dessus de 1.3600
bon week-end
+10 pips vendredi pour clore la semaine. Vite pris mon bénéfice car le gain du dollar n'était pas "franc"; ce qui se vérifia lorsque le cours reparti très vite à la hausse largement au-dessus de 1.3600
bon week-end
jueves, 5 de julio de 2007
CT Scan Results
The doc called this evening to say they had the results of the CT scan. They found 3 spots, 4-5 mm in diameter (2 on the right lung and 1 on the left). They call them pulmonary nodules and will do another CT scan in 3 months to compare them. So, we don't know if they are or are not cancer at this point. But every doctor I've spoken with has said it is very unlikely that these spots are cancer. So my thinking is that there is no need to get upset about it now. We'll have to wait to find anything out.
Of course it would have been wonderful if they had told us there were no spots, that the first spot they found was a mistake. But for those who know us, nothing in our lives is ever that simple. So it is yet another opportunity for our faith to be stretched. And growing faith is much preferred!
Of course it would have been wonderful if they had told us there were no spots, that the first spot they found was a mistake. But for those who know us, nothing in our lives is ever that simple. So it is yet another opportunity for our faith to be stretched. And growing faith is much preferred!
A Little Humor
Humor has been especially helpful for both Leslie and me during this time. Although most of you won't get this (it's a take off of those motivational posters), some will (I know Van will) and will laugh like I did. Thanks Jessica!
Back to Reality
If you haven't read Leslie's blog, I highly recommend it.
We went to SC to visit Leslie's sister and her family yesterday. The kids stayed and we came back (they will come home tomorrow). Leslie commented how going there was like leaving reality behind, and thus coming back was like returning to it. Coming to work today was the same for me. There's nothing wrong with work. In fact, just the opposite, people have been such an encouragement to me in the office. But leaving Leslie, to go to work or go anywhere, has been almost physically painful. I just like spending time with her.
And speaking of time, it feels as if it is at a standstill. It's almost strange to go out and see the world moving along at normal speed, and yet feel like you're own world is somehow stuck in slow-motion. So God is teaching us patience, from kind of a different angle than what He has done before. It's a good thing, I know. Just not a lot of fun.
But more than patience, much more I think, is the lesson of suffering. I think we act as if it's a terrible lesson to go through. But it's not. Cancer it terrible, yes. Knowing my wife is stricken with it is the worst. But the suffering through it has been good. I know that sounds strange, but suffering is a powerful tool of God's. It's not always discipline mind you. It's often quite loving. Paul said that sharing in Christ's suffering was more than worthwhile. We are not suffering for Christ's sake, I know, but we are suffering for His name's sake. We want to suffer for His glory, because through suffering we can be more like Christ, conformed more to His image, act and look more like Him. Without the megaphone of suffering, we often would never hear, and thus never be changed. John Newton helped remind me of this today. It's a good read that I commend to you.
We went to SC to visit Leslie's sister and her family yesterday. The kids stayed and we came back (they will come home tomorrow). Leslie commented how going there was like leaving reality behind, and thus coming back was like returning to it. Coming to work today was the same for me. There's nothing wrong with work. In fact, just the opposite, people have been such an encouragement to me in the office. But leaving Leslie, to go to work or go anywhere, has been almost physically painful. I just like spending time with her.
And speaking of time, it feels as if it is at a standstill. It's almost strange to go out and see the world moving along at normal speed, and yet feel like you're own world is somehow stuck in slow-motion. So God is teaching us patience, from kind of a different angle than what He has done before. It's a good thing, I know. Just not a lot of fun.
But more than patience, much more I think, is the lesson of suffering. I think we act as if it's a terrible lesson to go through. But it's not. Cancer it terrible, yes. Knowing my wife is stricken with it is the worst. But the suffering through it has been good. I know that sounds strange, but suffering is a powerful tool of God's. It's not always discipline mind you. It's often quite loving. Paul said that sharing in Christ's suffering was more than worthwhile. We are not suffering for Christ's sake, I know, but we are suffering for His name's sake. We want to suffer for His glory, because through suffering we can be more like Christ, conformed more to His image, act and look more like Him. Without the megaphone of suffering, we often would never hear, and thus never be changed. John Newton helped remind me of this today. It's a good read that I commend to you.
martes, 3 de julio de 2007
Leslie's Blog
I am so thankful to say that Leslie is now blogging. You can view her blog here. She is a much better writer than I am and her thoughts provoke me. I think they will encourage you as well.
We still haven't heard the results of her CT scan this morning. We'll have to wait until Thursday now since tomorrow is a holiday. We've got lots of waiting in front of us.
I wanted to share one quote from an email I received from a co-worker. She has a few years on me and wrote about her own trials, including the illness of her husband. She wrote,
I think the most helpful things to me were the promise of God to be with me and the admonition to "fear not." And all the responses from the Body of Christ expressing their sorrow as well as their desire to stand with you are just small expressions of the fullness of His promise. It's only because Jesus came to be our Emmanuel that the admonition not to be afraid can be a genuine possibility rather than a descent into denial. And maybe that isn't so much an admonition is it is just another way of expressing the promise of His presence - just as we tell our children (or grandchildren!) not to be afraid in a thunderstorm because we are there with them. So, God is with you and Leslie and with your children. Suddenly the well-known and accepted promises come alive in ways we've never experienced.
It struck me like a ton of bricks when I read it. I simply thought, this is much like we comfort the kids during a storm. May we all who believe in Christ be comforted that God is indeed with us.
We still haven't heard the results of her CT scan this morning. We'll have to wait until Thursday now since tomorrow is a holiday. We've got lots of waiting in front of us.
I wanted to share one quote from an email I received from a co-worker. She has a few years on me and wrote about her own trials, including the illness of her husband. She wrote,
I think the most helpful things to me were the promise of God to be with me and the admonition to "fear not." And all the responses from the Body of Christ expressing their sorrow as well as their desire to stand with you are just small expressions of the fullness of His promise. It's only because Jesus came to be our Emmanuel that the admonition not to be afraid can be a genuine possibility rather than a descent into denial. And maybe that isn't so much an admonition is it is just another way of expressing the promise of His presence - just as we tell our children (or grandchildren!) not to be afraid in a thunderstorm because we are there with them. So, God is with you and Leslie and with your children. Suddenly the well-known and accepted promises come alive in ways we've never experienced.
It struck me like a ton of bricks when I read it. I simply thought, this is much like we comfort the kids during a storm. May we all who believe in Christ be comforted that God is indeed with us.
Hurry Up and Wait
That seems to be the story of our lives right now. Dr. Moore called to tell Leslie that the biopsy was positive for cancer on the lesion, but the polyps were benign. She had her CT scan this morning and is now home. Pray the radiologist will get to read it today and file the report and we'll hear from our doctor...or pray for the patience to wait through tomorrow (since it is a holiday).
This is short, but I will add in closing that there was something deeply saddening about hearing definitively that the biopsy was cancer. We've been as close to definitive as we could be the whole time, but now the finality of really knowing it's cancer just kind of hit me. Leslie handled it like a champ, of course. She was pepping up the kids about "getting" to go help her setup her classroom this morning. I'm sure they'll be great helpers!
This is short, but I will add in closing that there was something deeply saddening about hearing definitively that the biopsy was cancer. We've been as close to definitive as we could be the whole time, but now the finality of really knowing it's cancer just kind of hit me. Leslie handled it like a champ, of course. She was pepping up the kids about "getting" to go help her setup her classroom this morning. I'm sure they'll be great helpers!
lunes, 2 de julio de 2007
The Details
Well, the day is finally winding down, and boy, has it been a day! We began this morning dropping the kids off with Grandad and Mimi before heading to see the surgeon. We had a very candid conversation with her and learned much of what is ahead of us. First, she determined where in the colon the cancer is with a different type of scope (which can sometimes be difficult to determine measurements with). We were happy that it is far enough up that the "easier" surgery will be the option of choice. Dr. Strom will be removing part of Leslie's colon, above and below the cancer, then reattaching it so she will have normal function. She will also remove the surrounding lymph nodes so that everything can be biopsied. Pray that the lymph nodes will be clear of cancer (because if they aren't, that means the cancer got into the blood stream and could then be elsewhere in her body). The cancer is scheduled for July 13 at 7:30 am. Yes, that's a Friday. But our surgeon is not supersticious (in fact, she and Leslie first spent time together in seminary classes through Covenant Theological Seminary before we were married). Dr. Strom, or Pris as we know her, is a member of the PCA church here in Gainesville. It's wonderful having a believing doctor who knows Who guides her hands, and to whom she should go for wisdom. So there's no need for anyone to be supersticious. The 13th is the earliest date that we could get where all the folks who need to be there can be. It's referred to as a "hand assist sigmoid colectomy" which means there's at least one other doc there, and maybe two. I didn't clarify. But I do know that a urologist will be there (he/she will either be the 2nd or 3rd doc) to help with that part of the plumbing and to ensure it's properly moved out of the way and then replaced. Her incision will be about 3 inches, ideally. We're glad because it could have been larger but they are able to laproscopically detach the upper portion so it can be reconnected to the lower portion.
Today's appointment was also like a second opinion for us. Pris explained that even if the biopsy had come back negative (which it still hasn't come back, but that's another story), we would still have to do the surgery because a biopsy is just a sample. They could take it and actually get clean tissue that was right next to cancerous tissue. She also expressed great confidence in Dr. Moore, the doc who did the colonoscopy. She said, "he's seen thousands of these...he's older than me!"
The real concern from today's visit is the spot on Leslie's lung. We learned that they saw this spot on the top of the CT scan of the liver. So they want to do a full CT scan of the lungs to see if the spot is indeed cancer and if there are other spots. That could change our course of action if it is the case. More importantly, if the cancer is in her lungs, then that means it is in stage 4, which would mean we have greater challenges in front of us. So, pray for Leslie as she goes in for the CT scan at 8:30 in the morning (Tuesday). Pray that it will be clear, or at least that the spot will be the only one.
After the surgery, Leslie will either receive the 4-day or 5-day package. We're praying she'll be out of the hospital in 4! Then she'll have 4-6 weeks of recuperation at home. She most likely will not be ready to start the school year on August 6. So in the coming days we hope to make some time for her to go and get her classroom as ready as she can before the surgery. Then we'll pray for the right long-term sub to fill in until she is back in the saddle. Or that those lottery tickets will pay off and she can just stay home permanantly! Actually we've joked that now is the time to go and buy a lottery ticket! :-)
That's all the details I can recall right now. I'm telling you, I'm flat out tired!
After the appointment we went to pick up the kids and visited with Leslie's parents. They've been amazing through this because they are also helping to care for Leslie's grandmother (who went back to the nursing home today). After we got the kids, we took them to see Ratatouille. We wanted to do something fun together, and it was fun. The movie is cute and funny. It's rated G, but for young kids there were a few words we don't use (stupid, shut-up). Anyway, the biggest challenge was the length (2 hours!). Aggie fell asleep and Munchkin went nuts. At one point I looked over and she had the popcorn tub upside down, over her head. I could only laugh. The last 30 minutes I held her in my lap (firmly) as she was beyond sitting still. But we had fun and McGrooter enjoyed the whole thing. After a quick dinner we had them down in bed by 7:45. Now Aggie is still awake over an hour later because she napped, but as long as they're laying down I'm fine. :-)
Tomorrow I go back to work, then I'll be off on Wednesday for the 4th. I'm not sure what we'll do, if anything. Then back to work and carry on some sense of normality until the 13th comes. Thanks again to all of you for your prayers, phone calls, cards and emails. I've been able to return very few phone calls (Leslie has done much better at me than this), but again, we are so appreciative.
Today's appointment was also like a second opinion for us. Pris explained that even if the biopsy had come back negative (which it still hasn't come back, but that's another story), we would still have to do the surgery because a biopsy is just a sample. They could take it and actually get clean tissue that was right next to cancerous tissue. She also expressed great confidence in Dr. Moore, the doc who did the colonoscopy. She said, "he's seen thousands of these...he's older than me!"
The real concern from today's visit is the spot on Leslie's lung. We learned that they saw this spot on the top of the CT scan of the liver. So they want to do a full CT scan of the lungs to see if the spot is indeed cancer and if there are other spots. That could change our course of action if it is the case. More importantly, if the cancer is in her lungs, then that means it is in stage 4, which would mean we have greater challenges in front of us. So, pray for Leslie as she goes in for the CT scan at 8:30 in the morning (Tuesday). Pray that it will be clear, or at least that the spot will be the only one.
After the surgery, Leslie will either receive the 4-day or 5-day package. We're praying she'll be out of the hospital in 4! Then she'll have 4-6 weeks of recuperation at home. She most likely will not be ready to start the school year on August 6. So in the coming days we hope to make some time for her to go and get her classroom as ready as she can before the surgery. Then we'll pray for the right long-term sub to fill in until she is back in the saddle. Or that those lottery tickets will pay off and she can just stay home permanantly! Actually we've joked that now is the time to go and buy a lottery ticket! :-)
That's all the details I can recall right now. I'm telling you, I'm flat out tired!
After the appointment we went to pick up the kids and visited with Leslie's parents. They've been amazing through this because they are also helping to care for Leslie's grandmother (who went back to the nursing home today). After we got the kids, we took them to see Ratatouille. We wanted to do something fun together, and it was fun. The movie is cute and funny. It's rated G, but for young kids there were a few words we don't use (stupid, shut-up). Anyway, the biggest challenge was the length (2 hours!). Aggie fell asleep and Munchkin went nuts. At one point I looked over and she had the popcorn tub upside down, over her head. I could only laugh. The last 30 minutes I held her in my lap (firmly) as she was beyond sitting still. But we had fun and McGrooter enjoyed the whole thing. After a quick dinner we had them down in bed by 7:45. Now Aggie is still awake over an hour later because she napped, but as long as they're laying down I'm fine. :-)
Tomorrow I go back to work, then I'll be off on Wednesday for the 4th. I'm not sure what we'll do, if anything. Then back to work and carry on some sense of normality until the 13th comes. Thanks again to all of you for your prayers, phone calls, cards and emails. I've been able to return very few phone calls (Leslie has done much better at me than this), but again, we are so appreciative.
Surgery
Surgery has been set for Friday, July 13 at 7:30 am. We couldn't get everything coordinated by this Friday, as multiple docs have to be involved. Our surgeon, Pris Strom, said that the cancer has been there for some time so one week won't make a difference. Leslie will spend 4-5 days in the hospital, and then have 4-6 weeks of recovery. I'll write more later for those who want details. Thanks for your continued prayers and words of encouragement to us.
at the doc
the doc is currently taking a second look with a different type of
scope to see how far up the cancer is. that will dtermine how she does
the surgery. the surgery is definite. after it is over she'll
determine treatment. biopsy is still not in but doc says surgery is
still on regardless of biopsy because biopsies are just a sample, they
can be false. after surgery they will biopsy what they take out to see
if it has spread. doc wants another CT scan to get a better look at
the lung. won't know any more on that until then. will post again as I
learn more or after the appt.
scope to see how far up the cancer is. that will dtermine how she does
the surgery. the surgery is definite. after it is over she'll
determine treatment. biopsy is still not in but doc says surgery is
still on regardless of biopsy because biopsies are just a sample, they
can be false. after surgery they will biopsy what they take out to see
if it has spread. doc wants another CT scan to get a better look at
the lung. won't know any more on that until then. will post again as I
learn more or after the appt.
domingo, 1 de julio de 2007
Pastoral Words
At times like these, the most meaningful words to me have been, "I'm sorry and I'm praying for you." I remember nine years ago when my oldest sister Lara lost their 7-hour-old baby, Carrie, I learned a valuable lesson from her. She said, "Seth, as a pastor who is caring for people who hurt, simply say 'I'm sorry and I'm praying for you.'" It's been an invaluable lesson that has proven beneficial to me. Now I know better what she meant then. She went on to say that her faith was true, but she didn't want to hear long discourses or cliches in that moment. She just wanted to know people were praying for her and her family and that they loved her.
Thanks to all of you who have spoken and written words to us as the Lord has led you. From this simple phrase to the longer ones that expressed the same sentiments, I have heard loudly all of our friends and family saying, "we love you and are praying for you."
That said, I am especially thankful for the pastors in my life. I've been blessed to know a number of men who faithfully shepherd the flock and teach the Word. I got a call from one of my pastors, Howard Dial, who I grew up under and later served alongside. His voicemail was rich because in his tone I could hear the hurt that he was shouldering with us. Another pastor that I served alongside of, Russ Butcher, called and spoke in a likewise manner. I could hear in his tone the genuine care and concern for Leslie and me. And that really means something after eight plus years since we worked together. My boss, when he got the news, called me into his office. Unrushed by pressing issues, he listened to me, asked questions, spoke words of encouragement and prayed with me. Then my "big" boss, Dr. Kooistra, called me and left a voicemail that was again characterized by such deep sympathy, and in his case empathy. His wife has been fighting cancer for years. My pastor, Ralph Johnston, also called me and expressed deep care an love for Leslie and our family. I have never been more thankful for the men God has called to shepherd His flock.
Today I received a similar email from my former pastor, Alan Foster. It's strange to say former because we have just in the past few weeks left his church, East Lanier, to go with his Associate, Ralph, to plant a new church. Alan and his wife Kim came into our lives at such a critical time for us. Although it was short I will always be thankful to the two of them for their care for us. Alan wrote,
As I began praying for you this morning, after receiving your e-mail, my heart broke for you. Y’all have been through so much, and yet God has placed another rock in your backpack. I wish I knew why, but then I’m not sure if it would make much difference if I did. God has his ways and his reasons. Even if we knew them, we would still have to endure the plan he has for us. And knowing why without being able to reason our way out of the trial might be even more difficult.
There’s a great little Banner of Truth booklet by John Murray (not the late Westminster professor, but a minister in Scotland) entitled Behind a Frowning Providence, the title taken from William Cowper’s hymn God Moves in a Mysterious Way. Here is a quote from chapter 4. "One of the most difficult things to do when the road is rough or when the billows are passing over us is to feel that God still loves us. It is the last thing we can accept. But we are not called to feel; we are called to believe. In his book, In All Their Afflictions, Murdoch Campbell tells of a minister in the north of Scotland who suddenly lost his spiritually-minded wife. As he prayed that night in the presence of friends he said, “If an angel from heaven told me that this would work for my good I would not believe him but because thy Word says it I must believe it.”
We are to measure God’s love not by his providence but by his promise. “When we cannot trace God’s hand we can trust God’s heart,” says C.H. Spurgeon. When providences are dark it is difficult to read them. It is the Word that tells us how to view them.Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,But trust him for his grace;Behind a frowning providence He hides a smiling face."
Keep in mind that God always moves more in our confusion that he does in our certainty. We always learn and experience more of the character of God when the night is dark and the path is treacherous than we do when we have answers to all of our questions. In fact, I believe that there are things about God that we will never know and never experience except through suffering. And so we have to keep telling ourselves that God is simply not afraid of bringing suffering into our lives. He doesn’t think that we are fragile. He really doesn’t. Seth, somehow God feels you are up for this, because He has promised to not give you more than you can handle. God feels that you have everything it takes—through his Word and his Spirit and his People—to declare him as both sovereign and gracious through the life situations he has given you. You have everything it takes for you to resist Satan and entrust yourself to God and follow his commands and believe in his goodness and humble yourself under his mighty hand and rejoice during whatever trial He brings into your life. God has great confidence in you, because he has great confidence in his Son and in the spiritual resources that he has given you, through the cross and the gospel and the promises of his Word.The disciples rejoiced because they were counted worthy to suffer for the name of Christ (Acts 5:41). And there is great truth to the fact that we share in Christ’s sufferings (Phil. 3:10; 1 Peter 4:13). Peter even tells us that suffering has a deeply sanctifying effect on us, to the point of causing us to cease from sin (1 Peter 4:1-2; I couldn’t resist a quote from 1 Peter). I am not where you are, by God’s design, but the same God who has brought this suffering into your life is also my Father. I have had times in my life where I have looked over the edge into the great, dark abyss of unanswered questions and heart turmoil. I still don’t have answers but I do have Jesus. Suffering has a way of keeping that statement from becoming a cliché. “Every work of Christ towards his people carries something more great and precious in the bosom of it than we are capable at the time of understanding.” --Ralph Erskine
Kim and I are with you and Leslie.
The pastoral words I have received are worth more than gold. I can relate better with David how God's word drips as with the sweetness of honey and is richly nourishing to the soul. Thank you, men, for your faithful shepherding and your good words to us.
Today has been a good day for us. Leslie and I have been able to accomplish many of the things we needed to in preparation for the days ahead. Please keep praying and sharing your words of encouragement with us and with others. God is being glorified in this! Tomorrow, Monday morning at 10, we meet with the surgeon, Pris Strom. We will update you as soon as we learn more during that appointment.
Thanks to all of you who have spoken and written words to us as the Lord has led you. From this simple phrase to the longer ones that expressed the same sentiments, I have heard loudly all of our friends and family saying, "we love you and are praying for you."
That said, I am especially thankful for the pastors in my life. I've been blessed to know a number of men who faithfully shepherd the flock and teach the Word. I got a call from one of my pastors, Howard Dial, who I grew up under and later served alongside. His voicemail was rich because in his tone I could hear the hurt that he was shouldering with us. Another pastor that I served alongside of, Russ Butcher, called and spoke in a likewise manner. I could hear in his tone the genuine care and concern for Leslie and me. And that really means something after eight plus years since we worked together. My boss, when he got the news, called me into his office. Unrushed by pressing issues, he listened to me, asked questions, spoke words of encouragement and prayed with me. Then my "big" boss, Dr. Kooistra, called me and left a voicemail that was again characterized by such deep sympathy, and in his case empathy. His wife has been fighting cancer for years. My pastor, Ralph Johnston, also called me and expressed deep care an love for Leslie and our family. I have never been more thankful for the men God has called to shepherd His flock.
Today I received a similar email from my former pastor, Alan Foster. It's strange to say former because we have just in the past few weeks left his church, East Lanier, to go with his Associate, Ralph, to plant a new church. Alan and his wife Kim came into our lives at such a critical time for us. Although it was short I will always be thankful to the two of them for their care for us. Alan wrote,
As I began praying for you this morning, after receiving your e-mail, my heart broke for you. Y’all have been through so much, and yet God has placed another rock in your backpack. I wish I knew why, but then I’m not sure if it would make much difference if I did. God has his ways and his reasons. Even if we knew them, we would still have to endure the plan he has for us. And knowing why without being able to reason our way out of the trial might be even more difficult.
There’s a great little Banner of Truth booklet by John Murray (not the late Westminster professor, but a minister in Scotland) entitled Behind a Frowning Providence, the title taken from William Cowper’s hymn God Moves in a Mysterious Way. Here is a quote from chapter 4. "One of the most difficult things to do when the road is rough or when the billows are passing over us is to feel that God still loves us. It is the last thing we can accept. But we are not called to feel; we are called to believe. In his book, In All Their Afflictions, Murdoch Campbell tells of a minister in the north of Scotland who suddenly lost his spiritually-minded wife. As he prayed that night in the presence of friends he said, “If an angel from heaven told me that this would work for my good I would not believe him but because thy Word says it I must believe it.”
We are to measure God’s love not by his providence but by his promise. “When we cannot trace God’s hand we can trust God’s heart,” says C.H. Spurgeon. When providences are dark it is difficult to read them. It is the Word that tells us how to view them.Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,But trust him for his grace;Behind a frowning providence He hides a smiling face."
Keep in mind that God always moves more in our confusion that he does in our certainty. We always learn and experience more of the character of God when the night is dark and the path is treacherous than we do when we have answers to all of our questions. In fact, I believe that there are things about God that we will never know and never experience except through suffering. And so we have to keep telling ourselves that God is simply not afraid of bringing suffering into our lives. He doesn’t think that we are fragile. He really doesn’t. Seth, somehow God feels you are up for this, because He has promised to not give you more than you can handle. God feels that you have everything it takes—through his Word and his Spirit and his People—to declare him as both sovereign and gracious through the life situations he has given you. You have everything it takes for you to resist Satan and entrust yourself to God and follow his commands and believe in his goodness and humble yourself under his mighty hand and rejoice during whatever trial He brings into your life. God has great confidence in you, because he has great confidence in his Son and in the spiritual resources that he has given you, through the cross and the gospel and the promises of his Word.The disciples rejoiced because they were counted worthy to suffer for the name of Christ (Acts 5:41). And there is great truth to the fact that we share in Christ’s sufferings (Phil. 3:10; 1 Peter 4:13). Peter even tells us that suffering has a deeply sanctifying effect on us, to the point of causing us to cease from sin (1 Peter 4:1-2; I couldn’t resist a quote from 1 Peter). I am not where you are, by God’s design, but the same God who has brought this suffering into your life is also my Father. I have had times in my life where I have looked over the edge into the great, dark abyss of unanswered questions and heart turmoil. I still don’t have answers but I do have Jesus. Suffering has a way of keeping that statement from becoming a cliché. “Every work of Christ towards his people carries something more great and precious in the bosom of it than we are capable at the time of understanding.” --Ralph Erskine
Kim and I are with you and Leslie.
The pastoral words I have received are worth more than gold. I can relate better with David how God's word drips as with the sweetness of honey and is richly nourishing to the soul. Thank you, men, for your faithful shepherding and your good words to us.
Today has been a good day for us. Leslie and I have been able to accomplish many of the things we needed to in preparation for the days ahead. Please keep praying and sharing your words of encouragement with us and with others. God is being glorified in this! Tomorrow, Monday morning at 10, we meet with the surgeon, Pris Strom. We will update you as soon as we learn more during that appointment.
biais directionnel
J'ai encore senti le vent du boulet !
Jeudi en début de soirée, je prends une position sur le dollar à 1.3432 en espérant bien que celui-ci va grimper. Le lendemain, l'euro se sent pousser des ailes, à 7h38 je coupe à 1.3453 et j'encaisse une perte de 21 pips. Ca commence bien :-(
Toute la journée, je la passerai à faire des scalps en achetant continuellement du dollar alors que de toute évidence l'euro à allumé les boosters !
Dès lors , suite à l'analyse à posteriori de ma séries de trade, je me pose la question de comprendre pourquoi je me suis efforcé d'aller essentiellement contre une tendance lourde ? Il aurait suffi d'acheter de l'euro pour être comme sur un tapis roulant vers une belle plus-value.
Le plus drôle est que je ne suis pas un contrarien mais un suiveur de tendance. C'est probablement un biais psychologique que de continuer à trader dans le sens du premier trade qui a généré des pertes. L'affaire s'est terminée sans trop de dégâts mais c'est néanmoins un facteur à surveiller.
Jeudi en début de soirée, je prends une position sur le dollar à 1.3432 en espérant bien que celui-ci va grimper. Le lendemain, l'euro se sent pousser des ailes, à 7h38 je coupe à 1.3453 et j'encaisse une perte de 21 pips. Ca commence bien :-(
Toute la journée, je la passerai à faire des scalps en achetant continuellement du dollar alors que de toute évidence l'euro à allumé les boosters !
Dès lors , suite à l'analyse à posteriori de ma séries de trade, je me pose la question de comprendre pourquoi je me suis efforcé d'aller essentiellement contre une tendance lourde ? Il aurait suffi d'acheter de l'euro pour être comme sur un tapis roulant vers une belle plus-value.
Le plus drôle est que je ne suis pas un contrarien mais un suiveur de tendance. C'est probablement un biais psychologique que de continuer à trader dans le sens du premier trade qui a généré des pertes. L'affaire s'est terminée sans trop de dégâts mais c'est néanmoins un facteur à surveiller.
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