Pressing On

Leslie had a good day today. It was much better than yesterday. The pain of the side effects continues to be one of the biggest challenges, along with the fatigue.

The week has been a blur for me. I developed a sinus infection a couple days ago so my head has been pretty foggy. It's such a challenge for me to be patient and kind. I keep having to go back to the fact that I know God is at work, and He is strengthening our faith.

Yesterday, two of Leslie's "girls" came to bring us dinner. Lauren and Danielle both attended Starr's Mill High School when Leslie taught there from 99-01. She coached them in volleyball and they met to pray and study God's Word together. Now, both are through college and married. They are no longer girls, but women. What an encouragement it was to our family for them to bring us dinner (all the way from Fayetteville and Marietta) and visit with us. I was personally challenged to trust God more as I listened to them talk about their lives, and how they love Christ.

Our pastor's wife and mother came over one morning this week and cleaned our house. They took all of our laundry (and believe me, it was a LOT), and washed it. It was so uplifting to hear them say, over and over, that it was joy for them to serve us in this way. We have truly been blessed by Christ's body.

As we continue on in this journey, I'm mindful of God's economy. It's not ours. He often works in ways that go beyond our understanding. Yet in all the strangeness of His working, we see He is good. It doesn't always feel good. But we are confident that He is. And this is even more mind-boggling when I think of how I fail. I don't deserve His goodness. And yet I am still here, somehow making it. Not on my own strength, and certainly not in my own way. I'd choose a much easier path if I could. And so I am thankful that I am not at the helm. I still wonder a lot. I wonder about the "why." But I don't have to understand, and believe me I don't.

One thing in particular that strikes me is how real pain feels. Pleasure often seems surreal, but pain causes me to feel like I am really in the midst of this. Pleasure can be so numbing, but pain reminds me I am alive. It strikes me that my contentment, as rare as that can be these days, is so self-focused. It is not the contentment I long for, contentment in God. But pain leads me to God, because it forces me to rely on Him. And somehow, in that strange way, I can then be content in Him as I should be. I wish the pain were solely mine. But even that is selfish. God is working in my family's lives as well.

Please keep praying for Leslie. She continues to be a beacon of God's grace in our home. There is much she could be bitter about, and yet she isn't. Pray for the kids too. They're weary. But I can even see God ministering to them, His grace and mercy, through this all.