Ups and Downs

We have certainly had our share of ups and downs over the past several days. In fact, let me just go ahead and say, if I haven't posted, PRAY! It usually means I'm so overwhelmed that I haven't even gotten to the computer...which has other implications, such as getting behind on my work. Tonight, I am three days behind my work and will probably not get all the way caught up. I'm exhausted, but encouraged. Leslie stayed home and rested today, and tonight she looks and feels much better.

Tuesday started out as a good day, and then went downhill in the afternoon. She called me in the afternoon and said she was going to her parents after work so they could help with the kids. She was on the couch when I got there, and hadn't been feeling well. Becky fixed a wonderful dinner and she bathed the kids so I could visit with Mike & Poppie. I feel like it's been years since we've been able to just sit down and visit like that. It was really nice. I brought the kids home and got them down, and Mike & Becky brought Leslie home about an hour or so later once she was feeling better. Becky was particularly concerned about Leslie and thought she may need to go to the ER because of dehydration. Leslie did look bad, but I had seen her much worse, especially during radiation. I wrestled all evening trying to decide, "do I play it safe and take her, or just try and make her comfortable?" I trusted Leslie's judgment just to give it time and let her get comfortable in bed. That worked and she was asleep before long. I was thankful, but I must say that was an awful time to go through, questioning my judgment over-and-over again. Today Leslie rested and was able to begin eating again, slowly but surely. Becky was here with her most of the day, and got several things from the store to help her eat/drink. She also took care of dinner again for us tonight. I was able to focus on the kids, which they really need right now. Then, once I got them in bed, I didn't have to scurry about the kitchen cleaning up, and actually got to sit and talk with Leslie for about 15 minutes. Thanks Becky!!!

The thing that really struck me is that one minute Leslie can look great and seem to be doing great. It's at those times that we get to get out and go places and do things. And that's usually when people see her. But there's another side to this cancer treatment ordeal that few get to see (or should see). Maybe that's what I end up writing about the most because that is what touches me the most. I hurt so deeply when I see her in so much pain. But I can't neglect that we have had good moments. And I have to say I am very thankful for them. Maybe I should write more about the days she can leave the house.

Tomorrow, Leslie will go to work. Please pray she can make it through the day.

On a separate note, I scanned the paper tonight and one editorial caught my eye. I usually don't read editorials because I don't need any added stress in my life right now. But for whatever reason, I read this article by Diana West, a writer for the Washington Times. It's not a perspective we hear often, but one we should consider. And in the same way the West is guilty of self-censoring (which may lead to its demise), I think as Christians we often do the same thing. Fearing offending someone we are, in many ways, losing our orthodoxy.