Such A Difficult Thing

We've had a pretty good weekend, although Leslie continues to deal with a good deal of pain and nausea. We were able to get out Saturday for a couple of hours before she needed to get home. Today she stayed home and I took the kids to church. We had a restful afternoon and then Pop & Grandma dropped by for a visit. They brought by some food and some gifts from my sister (a wonderful memory book that she and some friends put together for Leslie, with various pictures and verses) and a blanket from Christa. This saga has turned into a marathon event for us, and so many kind gestures continue to lift our spirits.

This morning's sermon dealt with the sovereignty of God when life doesn't go as we expect. Chuck hammered home that God is working all things for His glory and our good. This is such a beautiful and hard concept at the same time. When I got home from a late-night run to Wal-Mart this evening, I looked up to a beautiful fall sky. I love looking at the sky when it is cool and clear, and tonight I was once again overwhelmed at how small I feel. It wasn't a feeling of self-pity, but a sense of how much God cares for me even though I am so small. It was a reminder to me to get my mind off of the "why" of my life, and revel in the fact that God is indeed working things for His glory and my good. I felt very weak as I went to the store. And yet there I was, a weak man staring at a vast sky, reminded that I am cared for by a great and loving God.

When I came inside I saw my wife looking far weaker than I felt. And as I hurt so deeply for her, I must rely on the same hope that our God is caring for and loving her. I think of Chuck's words this morning about Elijah, who endured the wilderness being fed by unclean birds. I can't imagine what must have gone through his mind, being one who was called as a prohet of God, and yet enduring such a difficult thing. Yet God was at work, just as He is in Leslie's body and life. Isaiah 55:9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."